No Matter What

Chapter XV

She made me pick one of the pegasi. I chose navy blue Uranus, I thought he would blend the best with the sky. Phoebe agreed. I got up onto the pegasus of my choice.

"Good. Now whisper the way to a place into his ear. Make sure your directions are specific or he'll become lost like our dear Neptune."

"Alright," I answered. I bent forward and whispered to him, "Take me to the Health Cascades."

Almost instantly, Uranus spread his wings. He flapped them and we rose. Higher with each wave of wind that blew back Phoebe's blonde hair. I could not help but smile. I was afraid, but the fear gave me a reason to push myself further.

We flew up and towards the waterfall. I closed my eyes, my hair flying behind me. There are nearly no words to describe the experience. I felt Uranus drop, my heart jumped. I could hear Phoebe scream something from the ground. Something like,

"Good shout up stairs!"

She repeated this confusing phrase many times. I simply ignored it. I kept feeling the breeze against my face. We landed and I finally opened my eyes.

Once I saw what lay in front of me, I knew what Phoebe had been saying,

"Get out of there! Get out of there! Get out of there!"

Right in front of me, bathing in the cascades was the queen and her servants.

"DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?," the queen screamed. She was so mad, the light from her eyes and wings hurt my eyes. What had I just done?

I froze. Right there. The queen called her guards and they took me away. Uranus was taken to the stables.

There I was, yet again, in that god-awful cell. The silence of the that dark dungeon seemed to mock my incompetence. All I could hear were furious echoes of my mind.

"How could you let yourself be caught?"

"You have completely forgotten what you're here for and your mother will die because of it."

"How could you allow yourself to go so far off-track? How could you allow yourself to get distracted from your dying mother?"

"You're useless."

"You're pathetic."

I closed my eyes because I could not stand the sight of my own hands. I did not want to look at myself. My miserable self. My horrible, disgraceful self. I should have died. I should have been killed by that leech. I should have killed myself long ago. I should have stopped trying to swim. I should have never been born.

I would die a public death and I deserved every second of it. I wished with every part of me I could take back every decision.

I had never been in a low so low.

My energy had been drained from me. The psychological abuse I had put myself through had left me exhausted. I had cried all my tears. Hopeless. Completely and utterly hopeless. It was not just the thought of a terrible future, there was no future.

My stomach drenched itself in anxiety at the thought:

"What would I do next?"

Nothing came to mind. Every idea seemed like a horrible decision. I had no options left.

I remember debating with myself. There was a part of me that still wanted to live, to keep fighting. That voice wasn't loud enough. It did not win. I would not let the queen have the satisfaction of killing me. I was numb. The pain was so great it numbed every part of me and all I knew was that it had to end.

I took the chains that attached me to the cell's walls and wrapped it around my neck. I could see a guard coming.

"On three," I thought and then said out loud, "One... Tw—"

The guard interrupted me with a throat-ripping scream,

"NO, GWEN!"

I unwrapped the chains. It wasn't a guard.

As the figure walked closer to the torch that hung over the dungeon halls I could make out a face.

"Arthur!" I let the chains go. They clunked loudly against the walls.

Arthur fumbled desperately through the ring of keys he was holding.

My thoughts raced and so did my pulse. A profound shame came over me, drowning me in guilt and anxiety. My face burned and I stood there, showing no emotion.

Arthur finally managed to open the door and he took me into his arms. As he embraced me as tight as he good, I could feel his heartbeat. I hugged back and felt his tears roll down my back.

"Gwen... You—Gwen... Gwen... Oh, Gwen... My Gwen..." he repeated, caressing the back of my head.

I cried.

"Gwen, please don't leave me. Please don't ever leave me. No matter what."

I nodded.

He let go. I covered my face. He unlocked the chains off my wrist. My head was no longer against his chest yet I could still, somehow, feel his heart beating.

"We have to hurry, Gwen. We have to help them."

I managed to stop crying and put my hands down from my face. I wiped my nose on my sleeve.

"Who is them?" I questioned.

"The citizens of Fairyland," he answered, "they're standing up to the queen."