No Matter What

Chapter XVII

"Don't go..." a young girl's voice said.

Arthur and I looked around us. We did not see anyone. We kept walking.

"I won't let you go..." the voice again.

"Hello?" Arthur said, "Who is there?"

A faint light glowed in front of us. It grew and grew until it took the shape of a little girl. A ghost.

"I am sorry, but I cannot let you continue."

She was only five or six.

"Why won't you let us pass?" I asked. She answered,

"I can't let you die here like I did."

"Oh, my. You poor child. So young..." Arthur commented.

"Well," she was nearly crying, "That is why."

"How did you die?" I asked.

"That is a long story."

"Oh, please, tell us. Maybe it can help us understand," Arthur said.

"Well, then. Alright. I can share it. Pardon me, if I get emotional. The time has passed, but the pain is not gone."

Arthur and I knew exactly what that felt like. By the level of the girl's vocabulary, I could tell she had been dead for a long time. A ghost's body never grows, it freezes at the age it had when it died, but the mind is constantly growing. Our minds are constantly changing.

"My parents had always loved the sea. They dreamed of living near the beach, but soon discovered the dangers of living so open to pirates."

I, too, had learned about this recently. Poor Philip...

"So they decided they would live close to a river, instead. They got their things and they built a house and made a home here, close to one of the most beautiful rivers in the realm. They got married and had children, I was the oldest. Two years after me they had my sister. We grew up happily and we would often go, as a family, to the Moon River, where my father would swim and my mother, my sister, and I would play by the river banks.

"None of the three of us knew how to swim. Oh, we loved our life. The proximity to the river meant we had more different animals to see than anywhere else. We were a good family, a united family. I was loved.

"One day, I had the idea of going to the river without my parents. I could stay in the bank, like I always do. I could even bring my sister. It took a bit of persuading, but finally, I was able to convince my sister to come along. We were off. I had the perfect plan.

"While my mother cooked, Olivia and I would sneak off to the Moon River. I would jump in first, then catch my sister as she jumped in as well so she wouldn't hurt herself.

"That day, in the afternoon, we left the house, as planned. We went alone, as planned. We were at the Moon River, as planned. I jumped in, as planned. My sister jumped in, as planned. But the part of the plan that said I had to catch her was not completed.

"Instead of falling in my arms, she fell on my head, pushing me down. I was forced underwater by her weight. I tried to go up, but so did she. She pushed my head further down, trying her best to reach the top. We were animals; desperately fighting to survive. I was thirsty for air yet all I got was water.

"Water—in my mouth. Water—in my ears. Water—through my nostrils. Water—in my lungs," she stopped, gasping for air. She sighed.

"Water. It took over me. My sister managed to reach the top, I wasn't so lucky. The blue became black. I do not wish that that death upon anyone."

"Wow, I am so sorry," Arthur said.

"It is part of my story," she answered, "It was tragic, but it happened. Ever since that day I have been haunting these banks, day and night, making sure history isn't repeated."

"What was your name?" I asked.

"Clarah."

"Clarah. I know what you've been through was traumatic. I, myself, have been betrayed by water."

She nodded. I continued,

"I know you're just trying to help, but you have to let us pass."

"No!"

"Clar—"

"Never! Don't you understand? What I went through was life wrenching! The suffering, so great, you'll wish you had never been born!"

"Yes, I understand. I understand what you went through. But do you understand what your mother went through? Losing a child like that? Do you think it was easy for her? Do you think she suffered any less? It's worse, I tell you. It's worse. Imagine living. You live, yet you're not alive. You're dead inside. You're caught in a vicious cycle of guilt and 'what if's. You keep on thinking to yourself, 'if only I had done this... if only I had done that... then my loved one would be alive, and so would I.' You can only rest if you cry yourself to sleep because the thoughts and memories haunt you, and they are much more terrifying than any ghost. What about your mom? Huh? You ever think about her? You ever try to stop people from feeling that?"

Clarah was speechless. I did not know ghosts could cry. Her sobs were quiet, but full of pain.

"Why did you tell me this?" she asked.

"Because that pain, that is worse than any death. And that is how I'll feel if you don't let me through. My mother will die and so will I, inside."

Clarah wiped her tears. She sniffled. She stepped out of the way and said,

"Your passage has been granted, but I have warned you."

I was shaking, but I was relieved. Clarah disappeared. Arthur and I collected the three drops of moon water and faced our next challenge: crossing this river.