Mental

Chapter 12

⚠️ WARNING Contains self harm⚠️

She held the blade in her hand. The shower was running down her body. Luke and Ashton were making dinner. It had been so long but the thoughts were always there.

Do it. Do it. Do it.

Ella was crying. She felt so alone. She dragged the blade across her thighs. Doing it until they were both had too many too count. She finished her shower by turning off the water and wrapping a towel around her body.

She cleaned the wounds and then went to her room to change. She put on leggings and a long sleeved t-shirt. After brushing her hair she made her way out to the kitchen. Dinner was finished and she sat down at the table.

Dinner was kind of quiet with Luke talking to Ashton about the new nurse he had a crush on. Ella ate half her food and then put it in the sink. She then went and sat on the couch watching some TV.

"You alright?" Luke asked, as he sat down on the other couch.

Ella nodded. She focused back on the TV. Luke didn't want to push her so he also turned his attention to the tv. They stayed in the living room for awhile until Ashton told her she needed to go get some sleep.

After Ella was asleep, Ashton went into the bathroom. He was brushing his teeth when he noticed Ella had dropped something. The blade. His heart dropped. She was hurting herself again. He decided that he would wait until morning to talk to her.

The next morning, while Luke was in the shower, Ashton sat down with Ella at the table.

"We're you going to tell me that you relapsed?" Ashton asked.

Ella looked up confused, trying to play it off. "What?"

Ashton took the blade out of his pocket and Ella at that moment knew that he knew. She kept her face down, tears starting to fill her eyes. Ashton noticed how upset she was getting. He put the blade down and then pulled Ella into a hug.

"I'm not mad." Ashton said. "I just want you to come to me when your feeling that way. You know I can help you right?"

Ella nodded, taking a shaky breath. After Luke got out of the shower, Ashton took Ella with him into the bathroom and had her flush the blade down the toilet.

"Are there any other blades that I should know about?" Ashton asked.

Ella shook her head.

Ashton gave her a 'are you sure' look.

Ella gave in and went and found the other hidden blades before flushing them down the toilet.

"I'm proud of you. That's a big step to do that." Ashton said, pulling her in for a hug.

"Can I see them so I can make sure their not infected? You can put shorts on."

Ella felted nervous but she knew he was only doing this to help. She nodded and then went and changed into shorts. Ashton came in and saw all the red angry marks littering her thighs.

"Any others?" He asked.

Ella nodded slowly, keeping her gaze down. She pulled up her shirt to show her stomach that had a couple. Ashton went and grabbed some cream that would help the cuts heal.

"Just please tell me if your feeling this way again. I want to help you when you need it."

Ella nodded. After that was done, Ashton decided that they needed to get out of the house. They decided to go to the mall.

"You can get some new clothes that you'll feel confident in." Ashton told her.

Ella nodded. A lot of the clothes she already had didn't feel right to her. Some had become too small due to the weight she had put on. Ella preferred wearing baggy clothes so that nobody could see her shape.

They went to Hollister, American Eagle and Rue 21. Ella bought some new leggings, 2 pairs of jeans and some shirts. When they were done shopping they went to the food court to eat lunch. Ella had a sub from Subway while Luke and Ashton had taco Bell. After the mall they went to the pet store to pick some stuff up before going home.

Ella hung out in the living room with the dogs while Ashton and Luke talked in the kitchen.

"When does she start school again?" Luke asked.

"Monday."

That was in three days. Both guys knew that the transition back into school was going to be hard and they had no idea how Ella was going to handle it.