Pariah

If you dare, come a little closer

A.N. Does everyone like the new cover? I hope so because I think it looks really nice.

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"It's not much of a life you're living. It's not just something you take, it's given."

Orlando is hot and muggy and gross and just like Malibu and just like North Carolina, but somehow worse and unbearable.

Melody prided herself on having her priorities straight and knowing exactly what she wanted, but lately, she's seemed to have lost her composure.

And she won't say it's because of Hope, because that would definitely be like letting her win and Melody wasn't a loser.

But it is most definitely because of Hope.

It's been, what, two months since they spoke in person.

Hope was dealing with her own shit and Melody had moved....on?

Melody is sure it might look like that to someone else. She's sure if anyone knew what she was thinking it would look even worse, but nobody got it. No one would understand.

Well, one person probably would, but she can't just say any of that to her.

Julie asked her if she was happy. She said if Melody was happy then she would be too. Melody couldn't answer her.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Ashlyn asked with a curious lift of her eyebrow. Melody smiled reassuringly, cuddling closer into her chest.

It's then that it becomes obvious to Melody that she can't be happy without her. She can't pretend. She can't fool. She can't act. And a realization has never been so utterly painful and gutwrenching.

She's sitting here. On a woman's lap, cuddled into her like she loves her, thinking about another one. Miles away. Another one miles away, probably not even thinking about her in return.

Melody might be a little bit pathetic because of that.

She can't pretend like she doesn't love Hope Solo with every single fiber and molecule of her being. She can't fool anyone into thinking that she doesn't think about Hope Solo the moment she wakes up and the second she goes to sleep. She can't act like she doesn't dream of what it would be like for Hope Fucking Solo to hold her and never let her go even when life tries to rip them apart every chance it gets.

But she tries. She tries, if not for her own sake, at least for Ashlyn's. Because she doesn't deserve this. Doesn't deserve a woman who doesn't love her and is willing to fake it for her own self preservation.

"Nothing."

And Ashlyn takes her at her word. A massive mistake on her part.

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"So, do you think you want to stay and play here?"

Melody's eyebrows furrow like she's just been given a particularly hard puzzle to solve.

The question is out of nowhere in the sense that Melody had not been listening at all during the build up to it.

"Not really." She answered without even really thinking about how it would look to be that sure of herself.

She didn't want to live in Orlando or play in Orlando. Disneyworld had been fun the first six times, but the seventh was draining and the eighth was downright intolerable.

She wanted to be in North Carolina. She wanted to live and grow and play if the opportunity ever presented itself in North Carolina. She didn't move there months prior just for shits and giggles.

She did it to build her life. And maybe she was settling down too early for a professional soccer player. But it felt right.

And she rarely does things that feel right nowadays. So, she'll take what she can get.

"Why not? I'm here." Ashlyn glowered, and munched on a sweet potato fry dejectedly.

Melody let her eyes wander in thought. They were in some small bistro that Ashlyn swore by near the goalkeeper's house.

"I know how geography works, Ash." It's not really malicious but it isn't exactly friendly either.

Melody continued to glance around the building. She feels like she's being watched. Like someone's spying on her. She doesn't catch the culprit on her first scan, but they were clearly too confident in their ability for stealth.

Alex set down her magazine to get a better look and Melody was looking right at her.

She should be mad. But Alex's dumb idea had turned into a great excuse for Melody to squeeze her way out of this conversation.

"Oh, hey, Alex! Small world. Wanna come have lunch with us?" Alex definitely wants to decline and runaway but Melody glares and all of that changes.

Alex sat down next to Melody with a half smile half grimace. Ashyln seemed like she wanted Alex to leave just as much as Alex wanted to leave herself.

"I can't stay for very long I have to call Kelley and make sure-"

"Kelley will be fine."

"Okay."

"So, Alex. What're you doing here?"

Alex doesn't answer right away and Melody will let her take all the time she needs.

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Alex looped her arm with Melody's and pulled her back slightly. Ashlyn continued to walk ahead of them without notice.

"What are you doing?" Alex whispered hastily.

Melody scowled, "What do you mean?" She knew what she meant.

"Why are you with Ashlyn?"

"Because I want to be."

"You looked like you wanted to puke while you said that." Alex pointed out simply. She glanced forward at Ashlyn to make sure she was still out of earshot.

"Fine. You win. But that's as much as you're getting out of me."

Unfortunately, Alex Morgan was not one to back down easily.

"What about-"

"Hope? What about her? She's in North Carolina, having shoulder surgery in a couple of days. She's living her life. Fixing things." Melody shook her head and shrugged.

"So then why are you here? If Hope's in NC, why are you in Orlando?" Alex's face showed genuine concern and confusion.

"It's safe here. I don't want-I don't know if I can trust her. Trust us. We've tried and every time we do it ends. Quickly." Melody turned her head away from Alex.

"Yeah, well I think some things have changed and have changed the both of you with them."

Melody only shrugged, her teeth bit down lightly on the inside if her cheek.

"You're killing yourself, Melody."

And yeah, maybe she is, but she'll take those odds over getting her heart broken anyday.

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A.N. Please vote and comment!