Fool Me Twice

Chapter 5

EMMY

(Past)

Naglakad ako papunta sa exit ng office matapos ang aking first interview.

I'd like to think that I did well. Medyo kabado ako nung simula dahil first interview ko ito maliban sa mga pinag-applyan ko noong internship sa college.

The HR personnel and hiring manager were pleasant to talk to. Hindi naging mababa ang tingin nila sa akin just because I was a fresh grad. They asked several questions, at nasagot ko naman ito lahat to the best of my abilities.

Nag-aabang ako ng paparating na elevator sa may common area nang may grupo ng mga empleyado na nag-abang din ng elevator pababa.

"Where should we go for lunch? Parang I feel like eating Japanese today. Kayo?" one of the girls in the group asked.

"I'm game! I know a good place. Let's use my car nalang since I have to get gas rin." sagot ng isa pang babae sa grupo.

All of them looked young but also polished and professional. By the looks of their outfits, pati ng designer bags and shoes na gamit nila, you'd know that they are rich. Born rich, even.

I couldn't help but stare at them with a hint of anxiousness and another hint of insecurity. I know I looked fine. I dressed simply in a light blue button-down and white trousers. Ginamit ko na rin ang nude stilettos na iniregalo ni Tita Ina for my graduation. Pero anyone would know that I wasn't on the same level as these people.

Napaisip tuloy ako bigla kung tama ba ang desisyon kong mag-apply sa kumpanya na 'to. I worried about whether kaya ko bang makipagsabayan sa mga taong mas nakakaangat sa akin.

Get a grip. I thought to myself. Wala pa nga e! Hindi pa ako natatanggap pero pinapangunahan ko na ng takot yung sarili ko.

My drive to constantly become better and try my best was mostly due to my insecurities. Ewan ko ba kung bakit. Kulang yata ako sa pagmamahal at pag-aaruga kaya lagi akong vulnerable. Pinupunan ko nalang ng effort lahat ng pagkukulang sa sarili at buhay ko.

I have to be the very best. Wow. Parang Pokemon lang. Natawa nalang ako sa sarili ko at pumasok sa loob ng elevator pagdating nito.

The group of employees continued their chatter while the elevator was going down. Mas nauna na akong bumaba sa ground floor dahil sa may basement parking pa ang pupuntahan nila.

I brought my visitor's pass sa may reception area at kinuha ang ID ko. It was almost noon, kaya ramdam ko ang init at sikat ng araw paglabas ko ng building.

I took out my phone para tumingin ng Google Maps dito sa BGC. I rarely go in this area kaya hindi ko kabisado. Nakakalito rin kasi minsan pakiramdam ko paikot-ikot lang ako. The streets were all named with numbers kaya mas lalo akong nalilito.

I looked up kung saan ang pwedeng medyo murang kainan na malapit na sa sakayan ko. Mukhang madaming masarap na kainan dito, pero out of my budget. Next time nalang siguro ako mag-eexplore, kapag nagttrabaho at kumikita na ako.

Sinimulan ko nang maglakad papunta sa direksyon ng mall kung saan medyo madaming makakainan. I can't help but look around the place. Ang tatayog ng mga building, tapos sobrang systemized ng traffic. Iba rin ang mga tao. Parang lahat nagmamadali, tapos yung iba halatang alta sociedad.

It made me feel driven but also disappointed. Parang ibang mundo na 'to sa kung ano talaga ang totoo. It looked beautiful, but also detached. I felt sad thinking about the clear divide in society, just like how I felt when I compared myself to the employees earlier.