Adam and Steve

One day, two guys popped into existence. Their names were Adam and Steve, the latter being a product of God the big ass flying taco man's fuck up when he accidentally typed 's' and 't' while trying to write 'Eve.'

"Alright you little shits, here's how it's gonna be," God's drunken and slurred voice boomed from the one tiny ass cloud in the sky that could only be heaven, "You both have fun and do whatever the flork you want because I don't care, except that you're not allowed to touch that tree fruit which I conveniently placed there for the plot of the story. Anything else you guys do is fine, just...

D O N ' T T O U C H T H E G O D D A M N T R E E !!!!!!!1111111!!!!!!111111"

God left with that, and the one tiny ass cloud in the sky that could only be heaven disappeared with him. So, Adam and Steve looked at each other, staring each other down, and decided to fight for dominance because t h e r e c a n o n l y b e o n e m a n o n e a r t h .

In other words, they did the do because they were stupid ass fucks who didn't know how to life. What they didn't know was that God implemented a weird device thingy in Steve that made him get pregananant even though he had a ding dong cockadoodledoo.

So, nine months later, Steve somehow had a kid who they gave the great and powerful name of Bobathan. During that nine months, for the first three, Adam and Steve still hated each other until Steve started puking like crazy and Adam helped him by holding his long, trash bleach beach blonde hair back while he puked in the ocean and then they magically became boyfriends and they lived happily every after.

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U N T I L .

What I forgot to mention, is that there was this sunburnt to hell and back dude called Santa. Not to be confused with Satan, that supid ass bearded christmas elf. Santa was kind of a bish, cuz he got into this fight with God and he got kicked out of heaven and into the firey depths of hell, and even tho he was sunburnt to hell and back, he was still hot for some reason. Also, he hated his name so he just decided one day to call himself Lucy.

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Don't give me that look, he was cute af unlike your toad like ass, Umbitch.

Well anyway, one day a few months after Bobathan was born, he decided to touch the tree fruit which god conveniently placed there for the plot of the story because Adam and Steve were doing the do somewhere random. Bobathan learned the hard way not to bother them last month, so he walked to the tree and touched the fruit. He ate it.

Why did he eat it? Well, Lucy had gone up to him a few moments before and started talking to him.

mAgIc fLaShBaCk~~~

A snake slithered up to a five month old Bobathan, a mischevious glint in it's eye.

"Hey kid," The snake said, "My name is Lucy and I-" The snake, now known as Lucy was cut off. "You don't sound like a chick tho," Said Bobathan, confused. "Shut up, it's my name and you can't do anything about it. Anyway are you hungry?" Lucy questioned. "Uhhhh actually yeah, I haven't had food since last week because dad was too lazy to feed me, and dad 2.0 hates me." The baby replied in a voice that was way too mature for a five month old but who gives a crap, honestly?

"Well, I don't think that tree has ever been touched, so what about that?" The snake pointed to a silver tree with golden fruit that looked amazing.

mAgIc fLaShBaCk eNd~~~

And so here we are. Bobathan took a big ass bite of the golden fruit spraying juice everywhere, including on Lucy. Suddenly a tiny ass cloud in the sky that could only be heaven appeared, and a voice boomed as Adam and Steve ran to protect their child even though one of them hated him.

"ß Ï T Ç H"