color | r.l.k

shades of red

remington

have you ever wanted to slip into the void, never to be seen again? well, today's that day. well, for me.

date: November 22nd.

I pedal as fast as I can, the bike going as fast as it can. the date is 11/22. my younger brother, Emersons, birthday. as well as the day I plan to slip into the void, ending it all. the faster I pedal, the colder the cool Toronto air was as it hit my face. honestly, I found it quite soothing. 

my destination was Gwartzmans, a small art shop. I wanted to at least get my brother a gift before leaving. he's turning 17. my little brother isn't so little anymore, heh. 

I begin pedaling faster as I approach the shop. I drop my bike and chain it to the bike post and head inside. 

*ding*  is all you can hear as I open the door of the small shop and walk inside, taking a moment to warm up before setting off to the right aisle. I spot what I need, and pick it up, walking to the checkout counter and ringing it up. 

"Hello, remington," the cashier says. I've been a regular here for so long, I've gotten to know most of the staff. "Would this be all?" he says, scanning and bagging my items as I nod, reading the machine. 

Charcoal pencils                          $8.99
10 pack graphite pencils          $7.86
Watercolor colored pencils     $10.98
5 pack canvas                               $11. 19
Sketchbook (200 pg.)                $ 14.99

"Your total would be $54.01, but ill give you 15 dollars off." the cashier says, smiling down to me. "it's okay, really-" I begin, only to be cut off. "No. 15 dollars off. Your total is $39.01," they respond, kindly but firmly. "thank you," I respond softly, handing them the money and grabbing the bag. "I hope to see you soon!" they yell as I walk out, I respond by tilting my head and softly smiling. 

I put the bag on my bikes handle and unhook it from the bike chain, getting on and settling. 

time skip: back at the Kropp house when remington returns.

I open the door, tiptoeing inside and up the stairs, careful to make no noise and ruin the surprise. I enter my room and place the bag down.

I walk over to my desk to reread my suicide note.

To whoever is concerned,

If you're reading this, I have already succeeded in slipping into the void. 'the void?' you may ask? the void is my safe place. Where I long to be. I don't belong here. I am an outcast if you cant tell.  

To Emerson:
Hey, lil bro. I would have loved to see you grow up and succeed with your passion for art and music. But I'm afraid I don't belong here anymore. Please, enjoy your life while it lasts, you have a good one. And promise me you won't be sad. Hopefully, you'll understand my decision. I love you, my little pirate. 

To Sebastian:
Hi, super douche. I'm happy to see your passion for guitar has gone so far. I'm gonna miss our band, to be honest. But I believe you and Emerson will go far. I love you, big bro. Stay strong.

To mother:
Hi mom. I'm sorry it had to happen this way, but the void is calling. I don't belong here anymore. Take good care of Sebastian and Emerson for me, please. I'm going to miss you, mama royale, but keep your head up.

And to everybody else, I'm sorry, but I don't regret it. If you wanna find me, I'm at the Gemini side bridge. See you all next time, 

Remy.

After skimming through the letter, I place it down on my desk along with a rose I found. Grabbing the bag, I head over to Em's room.

"knock knock!" I say, walking in holding up the bag and opening my arms. "hey, Remy!" Em exclaims, hugging me. "hey lil bro, I got you a few things for your birthday," I say, holding up the bag and smiling. "thank you remy!" he says as I give him the bag. Peeking inside, he grins and glows. "thank you so much rem, I love you," he says, wrapping his arms around me. I smile sadly, but quickly hide it and hug him back tightly. "I'm glad you like it," I say, getting up and walking towards the door. He grins and takes things out of the bag, opening them. I walk out and prepare myself to finally embrace the void. 

I walk outside to be greeted with the cold Toronto air once again. I grab my bicycle and head over to the Gemini bridge. 

I slowly walk over to it, steadying my eyes on the deep drop below me, which would land into the river of water, 140 ft below me. I walk over to the edge of the bridge, putting my hands on the railing and embracing the cool air for one last time. I climb onto the railing and stand there for a bit, taking in all the scenery that I would never see again. 

I take a step forward, bracing myself for the enteral void I have been longing for.

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866 words