I Think I Love You [boyxboy]

Chapter Five

Raven: 

I don't know why I agreed to go to the party with Kev. 

I didn't know anyone. Well, I did. But they were kids from my school who hated me. Other than that it was Kev's mates. I hadn't realised his ex was going to be there too. 

Eddie had been the love of Kev's life. And he'd broke Kev's heart - part of me hated him for it really. Kev still loved him. He didn't say it, but it was obvious. He'd put me out on the streets if it meant getting Eddie back. I was kind of jealous - Kev and I weren't dating but I still hated being second best. Still. At least I was almost first. 

Kev dropped down onto the sofa beside me. "Heya, hon," he nuzzled my neck. He stunk of alcohol. "Do you want another drink?" 

"No, thanks," I replied, quietly. 

"Sure?" he asked. I nodded. "Come dance with me then." 

"No, it's alright," I said, staring at my hands in my lap. He peered at me, trying to suss up the situation in his drunken state. 

"You okay, Rae?" he said. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," I shrugged. He sighed. 

"No you aren't - d'you want me to take you back to the flat?" he asked. I did want him to, badly. But I shook my head. 

"No, you're having a good time," I said. "I don't want to spoil that. And anyway, I'm alright. Go on - go and socialize. Have fun. I'm gonna go and have a cig now anyway." 

"Okay then," he said. "Here, it's cold outside." He took his jacket off and draped it around me. He kissed my forehead. "See you later baby, okay?" 

"Okay," I smiled as he walked away from me, back towards the kitchen. Where Eddie was. I tried not to think about that. 

When I went outside, I realised that Kev was right. It was blooming freezing. And raining. Luckily for me, there was a covered veranda just outside the backdoors. But those dickheads from my year were there. They were clearly talking about me - they fell silent as soon and I walked out of the house and the ginger one blushed flaming red. I just smiled awkardly at them and sparked up my cig. 

They carried on their conversation in a whisper and I just sat down in the corner - I didn't want to start an argument, not right now. I wasn't in the mood. Seeing them had just put me in a worse one - and not just because I didn't like them. I was jealous. 

Aside from Kyle, I didn't really have any mates. And even he was only my friend when it suited him - when he wanted someone to get high with or a drinking buddy or a blowjob. He never returned the favours, of course. I could call him, or even turn up at his house, in floods of tears because my dad had chucked me out for the night and I couldn't get to Kev's and he'd still turn me away. I got horribly jealous of people at school - people who could rely on their mates for anything and hung out in the corridors and the lunch hall and did things together after school. I'd never show it though. It'd make me look weak. 

***

I went inside after I finished my cigarette. I decided I was going to take Kev up on his offer to take me home early. I'd promise him anything in return - absolutely anything he wanted, sexual or otherwise. Though he'd probably be too drunk for that at this point. I wove in and out of people until I found him - locked lips with Eddie. I swallowed, watching them.

They were pressed up very close together,  Kev's arms wound around Eddie's neck and Eddie's around his waist. They both had their eyes shut and their lips moved in perfect synch with each others. They both looked like they were in pure ecstasy. It kinda hurt, to be honest. Kev had never kissed me like that. Nobody had. 

Eddie pulled away from the kiss and whispered something to Kev, who giggled. As soon as Eddie left, I shot to Kev's side. He smiled. "Hey, you," he said. The fact that he didn't use a pet name stung me more. He always used pet names when he was drunk. 

"I saw that just now," I swallowed. "S-So what's going on there? Are you and Eddie back together?" 

"I dunno," he shrugged, but he was smiling. I bit my lip. 

"S-s-so is that it for me and you, then?" I asked. He just shrugged. "Well, what about tonight? Are you taking him back or going back to his or something? 'Cause I can go home..." 

"I thought you said you didn't want to go home tonight?" he said. I shrugged. 

"I don't, particularly," I said. "But if you're wanting to go with Eddie, I-I guess I don't really have much choice." I tried to hid the tears that were splashing out, but Kev saw. He stroked my face. 

"Oh, fuck, Raven, don't cry," he said. "C'mere, gorgeous. Look - I can't give advice right now, I'm drunk. But... listen, Rae. I don't know what's happening with Eddie. I'm drunk and he's drunk. It was just a kiss, it probably didn't mean anything to him. And... and even if it did, even if we do end up getting back together... there's always room for you at my place. You can sleep on the sofa or something." 

"Thanks, Kev," I leaned my head on his shoulder and he kissed my head. 

"Should we go back, sweetie?" he whispered. I just nodded. 

That, at least gave me some happiness tonight.