Wasted Time

a.

You fingers plucked always at the strings as you played a small Spanish-like melody that you thought of from the top of your head. My father looks down at you with a look of acceptance and my mother looked at you like you were a lost son. It wasn't hard to convince them that you would never hurt me, that I knew what I was doing. One introduction and they were hooked. All you had to do was take that old beaten up guitar and play their hearts away with each note.

I fell for it too. Yes, it was risky however, I wanted to take this leap of faith into your arms. I had never felt this way, I have never wanted to tell someone my life story. You were my motivation for the day and I loved every second of being with you.

I did not know that being with you made me so naive and stupid. I believed ever lie from the beginning and gave you my trust when it was never reciprocated. I gave you ever second chance that I had left. Love is blind, but how can a person be so blind to not see the abuse?

Every time you called me a name or insulted me it was like another cut to my heart that you now gripped with your fist. You would make me so furious then switch your words to where I felt everything was my fault. I felt guilty for even fighting that you didn't do anything wrong when it was all you in the first place.

Every kiss and every hug took the place of our arguments. That is how you would apologize, kiss it all better. You were so sweet and kind to me making me forget all my hate. It was our cycle, you would verbally abuse me and then be kind and forget. These cycles were only two days long. How can you love someone who is constantly fighting with you every other day? Why did I love you? Why did my heart reach for you?

On the day that I broke up with you was the day of the worst argument. You brought up my worst qualities and and picked them to pieces, that is something you were always good at. You insulted me over and over again. I tried to take it and not start another arguments however, you made it seem like an argument is what you wanted. After a while I caved and argued back, I was at your throat and you were at mine. I was so done, mentally exhausted from being with you. I was tired of being with you all your lies and games. No kiss could make up for this feeling, your hugs could no longer squeeze my pieces together. I was disgusted with the thought of you.

1 week later, and I have changed so much already. I never cried over you, every day it hurt and I missed you. However, I got to thinking was it really you that I loved? You were so awful to me and even saying it now love seems so out of proportion. Maybe I fell in love with your presence not you in general. You were always there next to me, was it really you? It took me a week to realize this, it took me a week to notice that you never trusted me. It took me a week to realize I hated you all along, never loved you because love was something you could never give me. This break up has taken a huge weight off my shoulders, I'm happier and prouder. I know I am stronger than what I thought, this makes me feel good about myself. You never allowed me to be myself and now that I have that back all I can do is thank you for making me realize that I am so much better than what I thought. You gave me confidence.

2 weeks after the break up you start liking another girl, of course she doesn't like you back but you don't care. You get over relationships fast is what you always told me and I guess you were right. However, you were also wrong. You say up get over relationships quick which is true however, it is easy to get over something you were never connected to.

Day by day, I am stronger. I can smile, laugh, and be dorky without anyone caring. I don't have to worry about your crap anymore. I can feel confident, do what I want, when I want. I have grown and maybe time was wasted, but if I can feel like this afterwards then I don't mind. You were a mistake however, the ending result is a masterpiece. You created art within me and I can enjoy it in every way that you never will. You will never control me again. You will never toy with me, I know your tricks and I have moved past them. I am doing the one thing you taught me, moving on, and I'm loving every second of it.