A Broken Crew

Chapter 31

They got back to the house, and Dakota parked the car. "That was an excellent parking job." he said. "Much better than last time." Maggie gave a little snort. "Much, much better." she said. "And I really shouldn't have let you drive." Dakota leaned his head on her shoulder. "Come on, Mom, you know I can't get parent's consent, so how else am I going to drive?" Maggie patted his head. "Okay, okay." she laughed. "Everyone inside. We could all use some warm food." Dakota rubbed his head up against her. She watched him for a moment. "Come on, Dakota, honey." she said. "Let's go inside." She grabbed his hand and led him in, as he seemed to be taking the surroundings. She pulled him onto the couch. "We shouldn't have been talking about that in the car, should we?" she mused aloud. Dakota tilted his head to look at her. "Talked about what?" His voice was higher, more childish, inquisitive. "Nothing sweetheart." she said. "I'm going to make some food for everyone." Dakota grabbed her hand. "No, stay with me." he pouted. "I need some attention too." Maggie paused for a minute. Then she called to the others. "Go grab something from the kitchen. I'll cook in a little bit." She sat down next to Dakota and let him curl up across her lap and the couch. She rubbed his back, but not his head. He sighed contently. "Thank you Mom..." He was exhausted and started to fall asleep. Then something amazing and adorable happened. He started to purr loudly. "Oh, August is gonna be upset that he missed it." She smiled and slipped out from underneath his lap, laying a blanket over him. "I'll cook now."

Rather than head for the kitchen, Grey slipped upstairs when they went in, going to the room Roman and Mikko stayed in and quickly straightening it up. He then goes to the room he and Kacey stayed in and cleans it. After he's done, he goes to the window and sits in the wide windowsill, legs outside, leaning against the frame. He pulls a pair of earbuds from his pocket along with his phone and turns on some music, both earbuds in. He stares out the window, up at the sky, letting the beat of his music distract him. After a bit, he relaxes, letting his wings hang loose and closing his eyes. He hums along to the music, just... existing. Letting his world just be the breeze blowing through the window and the beat of the music his heart follows. It's his way to escape reality.

Maggie finishes cooking the food, checks on Dakota, and heads upstairs to check on Grey. She knocked on the door. "Hello, Grey, sweetie, can I come in?"

Grey hears the knock and removes an earbud. "Come in." He responds, just loud enough to be heard. He stays right where he is.

Maggie came into the bedroom. "Hey, sweetie, how are you feeling?"

Grey turns off the music and takes out his other earbud. He doubts Maggie would like him possibly being distracted by the music when he's talking to her. "Just kinda... Tired." He pauses."And a bit numb." He adds at a much lower volume.

"This is all pretty rough on you, isn't it?" Maggie said softly. "I bet you're having mixed feelings. Probably not very happy about living in my home, are you?"

Grey shakes his head. "No!... I.... I don't know... I don't know what I feel.." He turns to face her. "But I like it here." He does- it's just new to him. New and unfamiliar.

"Honey, it's okay to feel uncertain about living here. Even if it you do like it." She put a hand on his shoulder.

 "This is a new place. I'll tell you something, I temporary custody of Dakota for about a month and a half. I think he was around 9 years old, still pretty small. Never been away from his father before. He seemed pretty sullen in the courthouse and the car ride home, serious, confident, even a little angry. But as soon as we got to the house, he completely blanched." She seemed sad at the memory. "He curled up underneath the bed and wouldn't come out no matter what I tried to do. He kept apologizing to me, over and over again. When I finally managed to get him out, it was like he was waiting for an explosion. Constant flinching, and every so often he try to race back underneath the bed. Even after two weeks, he still didn't trust me. He clung to August, but only when I wasn't watching. I think his father didn't like him having friends around." 

She paused, a spark of anger in her eyes. "He didn't like that poor child having any sort of happiness, why I have a mind to take him and every man like him and just-" She stopped and rubbed her eyes. "Sorry, got carried away. Anyway, there was an incident where he broke a plate. I won't ever forget that. He curled up underneath the coffee table and just pleaded with me. If some stranger stopped to listen it might've sounded like he was pleading for his life." She wiped her eyes. 

"Even after that short time with us, he didn't trust me. It's taken him years, and every trusting moment I have with him is sweet." She hugged Grey gently. "The point is, sugar, that it's okay if you don't trust me, if you're uncertain, even if you're not sure you want to live here. Take your time, get used to everything. Nothing bad is going to happen to you anymore. You can do things at your own pace.'

Grey leans into her, taking in what she says. "It's hard to believe.... He really... He really can't do anything anymore..." He says quietly. This is and always has been one of his biggest fears- his father's wrath. His hand goes to his neck out of habit, touching the soft, worn velvet choker that hides his scars.

Maggie held him. "I understand. It's been your whole life, hasn't it?" she said. "You know, it might be nice if you and Dakota could talk. I know Dakota doesn't really open up about what specifically happened and still does happen to anyone. I think he's trying to keep August safe from that kind of knowledge." she said. "But I think he would talk to you. And I know he understands."

Grey nods slightly. "I bet he does... We're both trash from the ghetto.. Picked up and polished, pretending to be what we're not. Whole. Unbeatable. Unbreakable. Strong.." His voice has turned bitter, it's clear the remarks are more about himself than about Dakota. "He's right to protect August. Somethings are better left alone..."

Maggie grabbed his shoulders. "Don't say that!" she said, quietly, but fiercely. "You are not trash. You are a wonderful, beautiful child. Anything that's happened to you is not your fault. You are not trash. Don't ever say that about yourself. You are worth so much, even if you don't see it." She hugged him. "I love you, don't say that."

Grey froze, he heard her first sentence and her tone and he panicked. He tries to move away from her, his expression going in an instant from upset to terrified. Memories flash through his mind, blocking out the rest of her words. He sees her going to hug him and ducks, scrambling away and to the corner of the room.

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so aggressive." she said softly, kneeling down beside him. "I can't help it, when you or Dakota talk like that." She didn't come any closer, just sat near him. "I want you to love yourselves just as much as I do." She leaned up against the wall. "I know you don't know how to trust yet. And I know there are some PTSD things you won't get over. But I'll wait here for now. I didn't mean to upset you."