Of Death & Virtue

chapter eighteen :: lucky you're a sinner

I've been avoiding work. The old me would never do that — okay, she might have, but now I just don't give a damn. But when the Captain calls me, demanding me to show up today, I know I truly have no choice.

As soon as I step into the pen, Stringer's booming voice travels quickly to my ears.

"Lynne, get in here now!"

The eyes of my colleagues are foreign. These are the same people I've worked with for years, and yet I don't recognize them. Their eyes look black. Like bug eyes. I try to shake it off as I square my shoulders and march into Stringer's office.

I close the door behind me. He stands near his desk, his head down. For a while, he doesn't look at me. I watch his chest rise and fall as he stares at his wing-tipped shoes. Then, he tilts his head up. I wish he hadn't.

Disappointment and anger flash in his eyes, and it almost slips through the slimy wall the demon has built up inside of me. It nearly shakes me. But before it can, it bounces off and I just about forget it even happened.

"This was the final straw, Jennifer," he says lowly. "I've given you plenty of chances, but you've blown them all. There are no more chances."

"Okay?"

Stringer narrows his eyes. "I know, Jennifer. I know about your unauthorized visits with Aaron Jackson — that you were speaking with him without his lawyer or a guard present."

I briefly entertain the thought of explaining myself, but I keep my mouth shut. No lie would help. In fact, it would only infuriate him more.

He watches me questioningly. "Aren't you going to comment?"

My upper lip snarls. "Why would I? There's no room for excuses, right?"

Captain shakes his head. He stretches out his hand. "Give me your badge and gun. You're suspended, effective immediately." When my mouth falls open, he angles his head and raises his brow in warning. "For your father's sake, I won't fire you — yet. So, keep your cool. Take a break, Jennifer."

I don't have a choice, do I? I suppose I also expected this day would come.

I reach for my belt and unhook my badge and place it in his open palm. My right eye twitches when I let go of it. I meet his gaze and he taps his foot. "I don't have my firearm on me," I tell him, and he scoffs.

"Are you kidding me, Jennifer? Where the hell is it?"

"I left it at home."

In a fit of annoyance, he stomps around his desk and slides my badge into a drawer. "Just bring it back tomorrow, okay? Go home. Get some rest." He stands up straight and crosses his arms. "You just can't be here."

For a moment, I stand here, wondering what I could possibly say. This man is the closest I've felt to my father in years, and a sense of betrayal is flowing between us. But as he looks at me impatiently, I know I've overstayed my welcome and I need to get the fuck out.

As soon as I step out of Stringer's office, another voice greets me. It's cold and mocking. The hairs on the back of my neck stand as I twirl around and see Mal and his prideful grin.

"You know," he says with his macho stance entering my personal space. "You shouldn't have messed with the wrong person."

My jaw falls and my eyes widen in fury. "It was you? You ratted me out about Jackson?" When his smirk grows, a fire sparks inside of me. "How the fuck —"

He shrugs as if he's being humble. "Your puppy dog is too nice. It was easy to get him to spill his guts about what you've been up to at Attica."

My fingers curl into fists, my long nails digging into my palms. My jaw clenches as I step towards him. And without much thought, I feel the fire crackle as I shove Mal at his chest. He stumbles, catching himself and looking at me in surprise.

"You've always been jealous," I growl, my voice not quite sounding like my own. "Even if you like to hide it."

Mal's smirk flips into a scowl. "Jealous? Of what? You?" He laughs cruelly. "What's to be jealous of? You're a spoiled, self-righteous, impulsive bitch."

The heat inside of me spreads up to my lungs, burning my throat. "Are you sure you're not looking in a mirror, Mal? Cause you described yourself pretty well just then."

His face scrunches and he takes a menacing step toward me. "You stupid cu—"

Before he can finish, I slap him hard against his cheek. The stubble from his face scratches me, and the sting from the hit pulses through my hand. As he cradles his red cheek, I approach him. "You're lucky you're a sinner," I hiss lowly to him. The fire crackling inside me sparks the thought of killing him, but the voice tells me not to.

He's not worthy.

If the demon doesn't want me to kill him, then is it me? Have I gone too far?

"Jennifer!" I hear Stringer bellow as he comes running from his office. His face is red from anger. "Leave! Now!" Then he turns to Mal. "Everett, in my office, now."

I stay for a moment, watching Mal sulk into Stringer's office. He doesn't look at me as he goes, and I swear he resembles a kicked dog. I feel a proud smile of my own spread across my face.

I've finally put him in his place.

But I suppose my time here really has come to an end. The endless stares have started to rub me the wrong way. I heave a sigh and head for the door.

"Hey, Jennifer," Someone else calls out. My back prickles, but I turn. To my surprise, Joey approaches me. He shyly puts his hands into his pockets. "I'm sorry about Mal."

I shake my head. "You don't have to apologize on his behalf, Joey."

He nods. "I know. If I could have it my way, I'd take any other partner." He pauses. "But I don't think I deserve anyone else."

"That's not true. You deserve the best partner."

Joey smiles kindly. "I think you're a good person, Jennifer."

He's the only one. I can't find the right words to respond to that.

"Anyway," he says, tilting his head. "I wanted to know if you would want to get a drink with me after my shift?"

All I can do is stare back at him. That pull takes over in my gut, and I know what it is. I know what it wants. And if I'm being honest, it doesn't scare me anymore.

I'm almost gone anyway.

Total word count (as of end of chapter 18): 36,226