Today, I dream't about us.
I was having my afternoon coffee while reading a book,
when suddenly my eyes just closed and I fell deep asleep.
Lightly snoring and my double-chin exposed!
Like I always do!
You would've found it funny and tease me for it when I woke.
And it would turn into a playful banter till dinner.
Good old days.
Remember those?
The dream felt awfully familiar.
A scene that I had known all too well.
Like memories.
Moments forever lost in time.
We were walking towards a convenience store at 9 in the evening
because I craved for pistachio ice cream in winter.
You scoffed and laughed loudly when you heard the absurd wish of mine,
but accompanied me nonetheless saying "You'd get into an accident if I don't watch you."
I don't argue and just playfully smirk at you while you turn into a blushing mess.
It was one of the things I adored about you.
Your willingness to be there for me though thick and thin.
My partner in crime.
Your uncanny ability to outwit me in board games, especially scrabble.
Your huge crooked smile that twists lightly in the ends.
Your tall figure enveloping mine in the warmest, loving, gentle, reaffirming hug.
My personal Teddybear.
Your hands perfectly made to compliment mine. Like a cocoon wrapped around an emerging butterfly.
As if God made you just for me.
If I'm supposed to move on and let life run its full course,
How do I do it?
If everywhere I turn, a piece of you comes back to me.
Reminding me of everything we were. Of a life that I can no longer have.
A life you can't share with me anymore.
How could I move on if you are inscribed and buried within my bones.
Every part of me a story you tell.
How do I do this?
How do you expect me to let go of my person?
There was one thing strange and painful about the dream.
When we were halfway back home, you stopped in your tracks and turned to face me
You looked sad and had that knowing bitter smile on your face.
"Love? It's time. Don't you think?" you said.
A line that I never wanted to hear.
A reminder that I should let go.
My eyes blurred and soon I was awake.
The feeling of loss hung over for a long time.
and it hurt.
so much.
I cried until dawn broke.
Realization seeping through the cracks.
Letting go becoming easier and harder at the same time.
I weep for us.
For you.
Till I feel strong enough to face tomorrow.
Even if it's just me now.
I started placing your things in boxes.
I cleaned the room we shared and got a smaller one.
After a great while, I came back to our ice cream store.
Bleeding but no longer dying.
Longing but no longer grieving.
I sit at our usual corner.
The regulars on hand.
A sugar raised doughnut and pistachio ice cream to share.
Waiting for you to come in.
...
...
...
Still waiting.
[❣ Before you go by Lewis Capaldi]
_
Finally on our 5th story!! Plenty more to go!!
This one hit me on a personal level and I absolutely love it!!
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