She Who Blamed God and He Whose Dreams are Not for Himself

Chapter 1 : The Turning Point

When I was little, I believed that the gods prepared the best plan for us, and when we stray from its path, God will interfere in some way to adjust us to the best plan. My mother is the one who told me to be grateful and to believe in the fate that the gods made for us, she was a kind mother, she worked hard to sustain our family and she always comforted me in my time of despair. When my father passed away, of course, I was devastated, my mother, however, she endured the pain and kept smiling to brighten up the rest of the family but I was unaffected.

" why must he go away? *sobbing* father said that he wanted to see my performance"

I cried and ran back to my room, my mother followed and hugged me and I cried even louder

" Aira dear, father will always be with you, he will be watching you from afar at any time"

She held me tightly and she bottled up her tears to encourage me, she made me believe that father's passing was not a mistake and that the god has other ways for us.

After a few years since that, I started to believed it and my life was happy again, I continued to perform in our communal theatre, but I remembered my father every time I perform and through the time passed I was even more comfortable to perform and it doesn't felt like it was a burden.

4 years passed and I graduated from my public high school, with my family background it was impossible to go to higher education such as a university, instead, I keep trying in auditions and performed my best there while having a stable income in working part-time in a retail shop. The first few auditions were a failure, of course, I accepted it humbly and worked to perform better in the upcoming audition and I finally got into a small part in a project, in fact, one of the judges have watched my performance before in my hometown and that helped with my audition. They said that the project starts next week and they seemed to be in a rush, they have decided the spot of the shooting but they haven't decided all of the roles and they are all just recruiting performers for now.

The script was unique, and all performers are to read the entire script instead of splitting them into their own roles, it was set on a fantasy genre but in a royal family setting, a girl from the noble family Lady Tariya of Aethia the third embarked on a journey to understand her people and to become the voice of the people against her father's tyranny. Aethia is a major kingdom and is known to have the largest forest in the continent of Exandria, with forestry being a major part of Aethia the architecture here is all beautifully carved redwood.

Lady Tariya embarked on her journey in secret, the town criers are all told to spread the news of Lady Tariya went missing inside the olivewood forest, a sacred forest only nobles and priests can enter it for it is the center of worship to the Wildmother (the approved god in Aethia). In her journey Lady Tariya met Lydia a village girl who she saved from a forest fire, Lydia then insisted on helping lady Tariya on her journey without knowing who she actually is, that was the end of the 1st script, it is interesting to read the inner dialogue of Tariya but Lydia seems to be also important in this story. I didn't realize that I was hooked with the script and I tried my best to become both Lydia and lady Tariya not only because I want to play the main character its also because how touching their dialogue sometimes are.

A week after the audition, we started our project and on the first day we get to know each other all the staffs, performers, and the author himself, at the end of the day the author divided our role but he was split between Lady Tariya and Lydia performers, I was supposed to be one of them and another performer named Laura but he couldn't decide it yet. While other performers are set and started taking some scenes without both Lady Tariya and Lydia, the author met us in private and he sat in silence staring at both of us without saying a word. He then called the makeup theme and said to dress me up as Lady Tariya and he explained how Lady Tariya's appearance and her persona. Blue aquamarine jewel was the main part of her necklace symbolizing her clear heart and purity of will in her journey to help the citizens of Aethia, I guess the author thinks that I suit her better by appearance. The 2nd day we started taking scenes that include both Lady Tariya and Lydia, Laura was a kind person and she also agreed that I should be Lady Tariya with no hard feelings, the day went well and we finished the project within one week, on the last day the author called me to talk in private.