ROXY

ONE WITHOUT FLOWERS

18

ONE WITHOUT FLOWERS

Leo holds me down, his lips going behind my head as he kisses my head every time I wince as Lucio stitches my hand. "Fuck you lost a lot of blood Rox, you cut the place people cut when they try to kill themselves." He says and I look up at Leo, and blink at him.

And that's when it starts happening. "Leo.." I mumble, tears falling. "I'm scared..."

"I got you.." he mumbles. And I lose my ability to talk...

And soon after I lose sight...

And then a minute or two later... boom.

I don't remember it... but I know it happened.

"Will she remember any of this?" Rose asks and Lucio shrugs, "She probably won't remember any of this after Jace left the room to come get me. I put her on a lot of drugs.."

"You're so pretty.." I mumble to Leo.

He slowly whispers against my neck, "You are too... you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my entire life, Roxy. I wish everyday and every time I looked at you I could say that."

he said it in front of all of them. he didn't care.

I felt at least a sliver of truth in that sentence because I felt it too.

There's no way to describe the intense feelings I get, I'm gonna be real I couldn't tell you. But all I can think when I look at him is 'oh my god he's so beautiful.' Or 'I wish I could just tell him I loved him' and when I hear him I think the same thing, even if I can't see him my excitement shoots up and all I want to do is cry in his arms all night about how much I love him.

Because I love him so fucking much and all I wanna do is scream it to him every second I can.

Rose nods, looking at me and Leo until he looks back at her.

She looks at him and me, her eyes flashing back and forth.

"I know.." she tells Leo and he stiffens.

"It's fine!" She interrupts before he can freak out, "I just don't want her to know which is why I'm saying it when she can't remember.... She's already so scared you'll have to leave her because of me And I'm not saying it to her too because I want you to make the right decision. I'm not gonna yell at you because I knew this was gonna happen, you're acting like I don't snoop through a lot of your stuff Jace. You might not have written it directly but I know how you talk about her-"

"I'm gonna fucking kill you-" he starts but he shakes her head, moving away but staring sternly at him. "Remember I'm letting you date my best friend."

"WHAT?!" Lucio yells as my eyes close, my mouth unable to open but I can still hear them all.

"In a second dad." Rose says, shushing him as he finishes up my stitches.

"What I want you to do is make the right decision, Jace." She says and he furrows his eyebrows.

"What do you mean?" He asks, his arms warm as he holds me close to him.

"I mean, Jace... that you need to tell her the truth about why you're not telling anybody."

"I am telling her the truth!"

"Oh really?! Or are you just scared that she doesn't love you as much as you love her?!" Rose points out and he huffs. "You don't know anything Rose."

"Oh really?! I  don't? Should I tell you about something you don't even know?"