You.

Chapter One

I stare down at the stick in my hand and suck in my breath. I can't move. I can't think. I can't process.
There is an actual life growing inside of me. I'm so scared. Horrified. I should tell Jakob. He'll be over the moon.
I begin to shake uncontrollably. I'm so scared. I can't do this again. It's not fair.
"Baby, you okay in there?" I hear Jake's deep southern drawl ask from outside the bathroom. I jump up from my seat on the toilet and wash my hands.
"Yeah, I'm good," I reply as I open the door. His sky blue eyes connect with my plain brown ones before looking down and noticing what is in my hands.
"Is that- are you- are we?" That's all he can muster as he smiles at me with such hopeful eyes. I nod my head, watching his handsome face in awe. How did I get so blessed with a man like him? I don't deserve this.
He wraps me up in his strong arms and starts placing kisses all over my head and face. "How did this happen? You were so adamant about your birth control." I look down at my feet, guilt hitting me over denying him the thing he wanted most in the world for so long.
"Well, I guess they weren't lying when they said the pill wasn't a hundred percent." I smile and look up at him. "I'm so glad you're happy, but please don't get your hopes up until we get to the doctor. So we'll know everything is okay."
"I'm sure it is, babe. Stop worrying. This is your first baby. Our first baby." He lifts me in his arms and I wrap my hands around his neck. "We should be over the moon."
I bury my head in his neck so he doesn't see my eyes fill up. I want to be happy. I want to be over the moon with him. But I've been here once before. I won't be able to bear watching that light leave his eyes if I lose his baby.
He lays me on the bed and then lays beside me, pulling me on to his chest. "Mace...please talk to me. I know something has been going on with you lately but I can't fix it if you don't tell me what it is."
I look down at my fingers hating myself even more. The letters, the pull of the past, and now this...it's all too much. But I know I need to tell him about my miscarriage. At least he'll know why I'm scared. I take a deep breath.
"A little over two years ago, I got my pregnant with my ex boyfriend. Three months in, I lost the baby. They said that it just happens sometimes. There was no rhyme or reason to it. I still feel like it was my fault somehow though. Maybe I wasn't careful enough. Maybe I didn't start taking the prenatal vitamins early enough. I- I don't know but I'm scared that I'll let you down and now I don't even want to meet your eyes-" He cut me off with a finger to my lips.
"It wasn't your fault, Macy." He lifts my chin so I have to meet his eyes. "I need you to understand that. Thank you for telling me, I know it wasn't easy for you to talk about."
I look up, tears freely pouring at this point. "I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your kindness, your love, your patience." He looks down at me with an amused smile on his face.
"You silly gorgeous woman. I don't deserve you." He wipes the loose hair from my face. "You could do way better than me. You don't know who I was before you. YOU make me the man I am today. You do. I wouldn't be here without your sweet love, baby. You're gentle with me when I battle my inner demons. You're patient with me when I'm an asshole. You even taught me what a sock drawer was. And that is how I know with everything in me that you will be an amazing mother." He kisses me.
I push him back just a bit and look him dead in the face. "Wait a minute. You think I'll be an amazing mother because I taught you what a sock drawer was?" He looks so serious all of a sudden. "Yes." And then he smothers my giggles with his mouth on mine.