ZALFIE - Behind the camera

My hero in a hoodie?

I switch on an old episode of the Vampire Diaries, hoping the fantasy will take me a way from reality. But I'm distracted with all the horrible tweets, I read running through my brain on repeat with no off button! 

About halfway through the first episode of TVD, i give up, and make a grab for my phone. But not to go through the tweets of snipe facebook comments, i get my phone to text Alfie. I need him right now. When will you be back, I need you xx. As soon as the text is sent i sit there holding my phone in my hand, debating wether to go on twitter. Curiosity wins and i click the bird icon where it sends me to my 68 notifications. 

I scroll quickly past the bad tweets still reading them because I cant help myself and I feel panic rising up inside me. Its all to me. The tears begin and my whole body is shaking uncontrollably. Thats when I loose it, I through my phone acroos the room and hear a smash, then I break down. I clutch my body into a ball and sob. I wish the floor would just swallow me up. I keep this up for what feels like forever, but was probably only about fifteen minutes. I silence myself as i hear the door squeak open.

"Little one", Alfie shouts for me, I dont reply I just tuck my head into my knees and stay quiet because, I haven't got the energy to reply. Alfie strolls into the room, grey hoodie on and two pizza boxes in one hand with his camera in the other daily vlogging. The camera is pointing at me and I burst into tears all over again.

Alfie drops the pizza boxes and camera. He just runs over and wraps me in his arms and immediatly I feel a little better. He leans in a kisses me on the cheek, I grip him tighter. "Panic attack"?, he questions I nodd in reply and he just looks upset. Not upset at me, upset for me. He knows how I get when I have a panic attack.

"It looks like a bombs gone off", He laughs, whilst lifting me off the floor and putting me onto the plush brown sofa. Alfie props me up with some pillows and tucks me in with a fluffy fleececy blanket. I give him a greatful smile in return because I'm so greatful that I have him looking after me and in my life. 

"Lets get you cleaned up and then pizza and movie", he smiles, gently wiping tears from my eyes. ALfie picks up the pizzas turns off the camera and walks into the kitchen. I flick through the TV channels and I settle on the film Love Actually. Which is an all time favourite for me and Alfie. 

"What set you off"? Alfie says curlling up next to me and handing me a plate of pizza with a small dollop of tomato sauce. I gulp and reply "Hate". He hugs me tighter, nodding knowingly. He must of seen all the shit I've been getting about my book. 

I suddenly remember the camera filming me in my moment of panic. "Your not going to upload the bit of me in the vlog" I say desperately, my throat feeling dry. "I will edit it out", he smiles. I feel relief rush over my body and I smile but then I see the cracked glass of my phone shimmering all over the floor. Alfie catches my glance and sees the phone. "Ya threw it"? he asks quietly I nodd and rest my head on his lap. I feel his gentle hand coressing my hair and I close my eyes slowly. "I dont know what I'd do without you", I whisper and I feel myself falling asleep. "Your my hero", I manage to mutter before I'm gone.