She never really liked being alone. Being alone was when she had to be honest with herself. She knew how people thought of her these days. Cocky and self-absorbed and disconnected from reality. The truth was, though, that she thought if she said these things enough maybe she would believe them. It became a mantra of sorts.
I want to be free to follow my art.
I don't want to go to PTA meetings.
Everything was exactly as it should have been.
Well, except for the early 90's, because that doctor stole my chance at a family. I want to run him over with my car.
I don't drive though, because where do you even go when you're as famous as I am?
Also, I made a huge mistake when I left Lindsey, because look at him with those beautiful kids.
Did I mention that my life is fabulous?
Even she got annoyed when she started talking about her fairy goddaughters and her position as rock's matriarch. When she was in her hotel room by herself, no one was there to listen to her lies. she wasn't fooling herself anymore.
The tour was difficult. Her solo career had been booming over the past few years, and everyone in the band knew it. She tried to tread carefully - it had always been a point of contention. Now that she was hesitating to go into the studio with them, it was an even bigger problem. There hadn't been any resolution.
And then there was Lindsey. The ghost of their relationship loomed over everything she did. It was a constant topic of conversation. She embellished and romanticized and told wonderful fairy tales about the tragedy of Buckingham and Nicks, but it was brutally painful every single night. The last tour, they'd agreed to have fun. They'd agreed to let themselves be honest onstage, to highlight their love story between the songs.
Everything had gone well until Las Vegas.
When the end of the tour came, Stevie wasn't ready to let go. The last night onstage, Lindey sang Say Goodbye, and she couldn't do it. She completely disintegrated - every tear, every flash of pain on her face had been genuine, and Kristen had been there to watch her fall apart. Lindsey had caught hell for it, and that was the end of the love affair.
They'd barely spoken on this tour, and she knew it translated into their stage performance. Kristen was watching them closely, and Stevie understood. Not that anything had ever actually happened between them while Lindsey was married, but she knew how it looked. She knew their relationship was daunting. Hell, how many boyfriends had she lost because of Lindsey? She'd finally given up. "I can't see anyone while you're around," she'd tried to joke. Everyone saw through it. It was him or no one, and he'd chosen his life.
A knock on the door drags her from her thoughts, and she's instantly grateful for the distraction.
"Lindsey, I didn't know you were staying here."
"I'm not, but I've got to talk to you. Sit down?"
"You're scaring me."
"No, nothing like that. Stevie, I found her."
"What?"
"Emmeline."
Her stomach drops as he says their daughter's name, and she stands there, unable to speak.
