"Told her what?"
"About Emmeline, obviously."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"It didn't go well."
"No."
"What happened?"
"Can we not do this?'
"Okay," she says quickly, slightly afraid. His eyes are shining and his voice is tense. The silence hangs there and he stares at her, waiting. "I don't know what you need."
"Yes, you do."
"No."
"Don't tell me you haven't been thinking about that kiss all day."
"Of course I have. Which is exactly what you wanted," she says, suddenly angry. "Are you ever going to stop being a manipulative asshole? I need you right now."
"Have you not figured out that I need you, too? I may have just ended my marriage and I am in no position to..."
"You what?!"
"I told you, it didn't go well."
"I'm so sorry."
"I woke up this morning feeling like I was in a dream. I had you and Emmeline, and... there was this moment of realization that this is what I could have had. Then I went home and watched my kids and... I wouldn't trade them for anything."
"What are you trying to tell me?"
"I don't know," he says, running his hands through his hair. "I need to stay here tonight."
"I haven't touched your room."
"With you."
"I told you, I'm not going to..."
"I won't try anything. Let me sleep next to you."
He looks so fragile, and a night beside him doesn't sound half bad... even if it's dangerous territory. "Come on, honey."
She disappears into the bathroom to get ready, leaving him alone. Neither one of them is really sure what to say, but the silence is comfortable. He strips down to his shorts and crawls into bed, waiting for her to join him.
She returns wearing yoga pants and a tee shirt, and he laughs. "I have never seen you in anything like that before."
"Yeah, well, if this won't encourage you to keep your hands to yourself then there's nothing else I can do."
"You're still beautiful," he says as she joins him on the bed.
"Shut up," she warns, but she lets him pull her into his arms and hold her.
They sit in silence for a long time before he decides to try to talk to her again. "How did your meeting go last week?"
"I don't want to talk about work."
"What do you want to talk about?"
"What happened tonight?"
"I'm not really sure. I knew it would hurt her that I didn't tell her, which obviously wasn't the intent. I didn't expect her to lose her bloody mind, though." He paused, but she didn't have anything to say so she waited for him to continue. "She's jealous of you. You know that. The one thing she felt like she had on you was our kids."
"And your whole fucking life!" Stevie sits up, immediately enraged.
"Stop, please."
"Sorry," she says quickly, rubbing his arm.
"Anyway, I don't know how to fix this one. I'm trying to decide if I want to."
"What do you mean, 'if you want to'?"
"How hard would you be willing to fight for something you didn't really want?"
"Lindsey, you shouldn't say things like that."
"It's not good," he says vaguely, lacing his fingers through Stevie's. "I'm sorry, I know you don't want to hear all of this."
"It's not that. I just don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything." He recollects his thoughts and starts again. "She asked me to leave the band. To eliminate you from my world completely."
"Oh." Her heart races. Right now, even the end of the band doesn't matter to her. The idea of never having contact with Lindsey again feels like a knife in her heart.
"I told her that was insane, of course," he assures her. "We have a daughter. At the very least I need to be in contact with you regarding her."
"What about the band?"
"It's all crazy, Stevie. I'm not leaving the band because she's jealous of something that happened before I even knew her."
"Did you tell her that?"
"I did. She didn't like being called crazy," he says, smirking.
"You did not."
"I was angry. Anyway, that's when she made me leave."
"And what happens if she finds out you're with me?"
"I'd rather not even go there."
"I understand why she would be skeptical, but God, Lindsey, we haven't done anything wrong."
"Well, she knows how I feel about you."
"How you feel about me?"
"Don't play stupid, Stevie."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Yes, you do."
"Tell me."
"I am so in love with you it hurts. And staying away from you is the only way I can stay sane, but when I can't do that..." For a second, she's certain her heart actually stopped beating. He did not just say that out loud. "Say something."
"You can't love me, Lindsey. Not like this."
"Do you think I haven't been trying to flip that switch for sixteen years? If I had any control over it, I wouldn't be here. Don't make me feel worse than I already do about this. I know it's wrong."
"I don't mean to make you feel bad," she says, laying her head on his shoulder, her arm around his shoulders. "I wish I had something else to say. I can't even follow my own advice."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm in love with you, too. You knew that."
"It sounds different when you say it."
"Yeah, it does. But it doesn't change your situation. Or ours. We still have a daughter that we should be able to enjoy together. You still have children you have to be there for. We're going to have to keep fighting this."
"That sounds like hell."
"Yeah."
"I need to sleep," he says, running his hand over his face. He flips off the lights and they lay down and she cuddles up to his side, kissing his cheek.
"Goodnight," she says.
"Can I kiss you?"
"Just a kiss," she says. He turns onto his side and holds her face, running his thumb over her cheek before he presses his lips to hers. He deepens the kiss a little, holding it longer than he should, then pulls away, exhaling in frustration.
"Goodnight, Stevie."
