Gloomy Sunday

It's hard to not find anyone who understands you and understand your way of thinking or the way you talk , like it's really,really hard to not find your other half and your partner in everything. Life is so hard to take what you want and to live your life perfectly , it's really hectic. I came to this life as an orphan , no parents and no family. Somehow a family adopted me and they took care of me until this moment but honestly I'm not happy when I'm with them. They insults me in every possible and a lot of my friends ( which they're not really my friends) says that they love you and they want the best for me and I don't believe them just because they don't live with me and they don't get the same amount of insults that I get.Simply that's the first factor of the other factors that made me live in anxiety and depression...etc.The other factor is the "Fake Friends" which they act like snakes , actually it's bad to compare them with snakes cause snakes have nothing to do with these asshole/bitches.I gave them everything they wanted, I gave them love,care.. literally I gave them everything. I made them feel comfortable and I cheered them up while they're down,it's just a shame that they didn't payback what I did to them.I feel frustrated, I feel pathetic, I feel sad and down.I can't express my feelings because they're complicated and I don't know what to say ,it's just hard!.Anyways the third factor of my anxiety is the failed relationships and the wrong girls to love which is .. I don't know how to describe this factor but it made me worse in every possible ways like I loved a lot of girls a bunch of them didn't love me back and the others did love me but because of something they wanted from me like they used me as a tool in their game to get to something they want like get to know my friends and that kind of stuffs after that they disappear like they're not here anymore. I-I-I can't even describe how much I hated the females because of what these girls did to me but not all the females are bad but the majority is really disgusting and they're heartless like they didn't even care about my feelings and they treated me so bad while I was so good to them , but you can't ask for a perfect life unfortunately.Yet,these factors made me bold and somehow not kind anymore , I used to see the life rose and pink now I see it gray and black.I lost interest in everything , I don't even want to do anything..literally everything. I wake up and stay all the day on bed , I open the phone to check the messages and notifications and guess what ?? 0 notifications.. 0 messages and that's the routine of my life.I feel gutted 24/7 , I wished for a better life and mental health.I was forced to do things that I don't like and don't love !. My family and friends didn't respect or care about  my dream, my decisions ,my intentions, my hobbies and my goals. I lost everything, I lost hope.
I was born alone , I lived alone and I will die alone.