HER LAST WISH

Part 34

After many sleepless nights and endless days, I took a night off. I was relaxed. Not that my problem was solved, but the positive response of people had given me some peace.
After going through hell, I found out that the world was a mixed bag of good and bad. I thanked life for giving me a chance. I was happy even in such a critical situation, and a peaceful smile sat on my face. When you have gone through the worst, small problems seem too small to upset you. But happiness and I were enemies. How could I be happy for long?
A team of doctors came for their routine check-up. Astha was not feeling well. She looked pale. Her breathing problem had worsened. Her labour pain was
increasing exponentially, that too in an unusual way. Seeing the team of doctors, I stiffened as I didn’t know what I’d be hearing. They had a thick file of her reports and progress with them. The doctors were chatting and nodding, but they did not seem happy.
“How are you Astha?” asked one among the doctors.
“My legs, chest, and back hurt. I am feeling weak and drowsy,” she said with much effort.
“It is because of the problems in breathing. You will need to use oxygen masks more often. It will lessen your strain around the chest. We are introducing some
medicines that will make you sleep more for the time being.”
She nodded in consent. She was content to spend the rest of her time sleeping while I was aware of the everlasting sleep that was just days away. I didn’t know
what to do or say . The seriousness on Dr Raza’s face was killing me. He called me inside the cabin after the examination. I guessed there was bad news, and the presence of all the five doctors just confirmed my assumption.
“What’s wrong, doctor?” I was terrified.
“Vijay, please try to understand,” Dr Raza said, “We took every possible care with the best facilities and doctors being provided to her.”
He paused. I was sure it wasn’t the first time he had such a situation in front of him, but his sorry face revealed his attachment to this case.
“Doctor, I am up for anything.”
“Vijay, Astha has to go for a caesarean,” said Dr Rachna.
“What are her chances of recovery after the operation?” I directly asked the question that mattered the most.
“Astha’s condition is not good. Her resistance power is low, and her CD4 counts are decreasing day by day. We are pretty sure that her body does not have
enough strength to heal after the operation. We will give her anesthesia to perform the operation, but we are not sure if she will regain consciousness.”
“Suppose she wakes up after the operation?”
“Vijay, during the operation, she will lose a lot of blood. Her body will demand strength to heal and come back to consciousness. During or after the operation, she can slip into a coma, or even…” Dr Raza only managed to say that.
“Is there any chance?”
“I cannot make any promises.”
I lost my reasons to fight. There were no tears in my eyes; I had been somewhat prepared for this. I looked through every eye present in the room, but none had any hope for me. The best I could find was sympathy, and I hated it.
“Thank you, doctor.” Since I couldn’t ask them to get lost, this was the best thing I could figure out to say to them and yet they found their meaning in it .
“Vijay,” Dr Raza interrupted me. I remained seated at my place and passed a look which said ‘any-other-bad-news?” “You did not ask anything about your
baby.” Astha was the only thing that I cared for. I know it’s hard to understand, but that’s the truth. Dr Raza brought me back to reality. His interruption made me realize that I had another bad news to listen to.
“Ohh, tell me in one go, doctor. Please.” I was irritated.
“We are not even sure if Astha is going to deliver a healthy child. There’s no way to find out if the child is HIV-infected or not. Sometimes HIV infection
takes years to pass on to the child. So nothing could be said about the baby.”
“When is the operation?”
“Her due date for delivery is after three days. But if she develops labour pain early, then we will have to operate immediately.”
I wanted to get away from the room. I managed to say ‘thanks’ and they understood the rest.
I locked myself in the hospital washroom. I opened all the taps and cried on top of my voice. I felt like I had lost the battle. My eyes and nose were choked. I
was boiling with anger and frustration. When the tears had dried, I decided to face my wife. The washroom mirror told me not to go with that face in front of her. My red eyes would reveal everything, and I didn’t want her to know what I knew.
I came out from the washroom and waited for a few more minutes to calm my inner rage. I had a glass of water and moved to face my lovely wife. I opened the door to find her breathing with the help of an oxygen mask. As she saw me, she removed her oxygen mask and greeted me with a smile . If Astha can smile after facing all this, how can you not? I reasoned with
myself. I tried to smile fictitiously, but if you have a loving wife, it’s difficult to
hide anything, especially the pain.
“What happened, Vijay? Your eyes are going against your smile.”
“I am fine; just something fell into my eyes,” I said and pretended to clean
them with a handkerchief. “Hey Astha, I think, we should name our baby.”
“How about Aprajita?” she said instantly as if she had been waiting for this question.
“What does it mean?”
“Aprajita means a winner. The one who cannot be defeated.” I smiled.
“What if we have a boy?”
“Am I dying soon?”
“What a stupid question is that?”
“If we have a baby boy, then I will decide his name after the delivery. But I am
sure about Aprajita.”
My mind said, Aprajita means a winner. Astha will go down as a winner. Something unusual struck me. I didn’t know if it was a logical thing to do, but I
decided to go with it. I excused myself and went to meet Dr Raza, for a last favour to fulfil her last wish.
“Dr Raza, I need a favour.”
“Tell me what we can do for you,” he said humbly. When a doctor cannot do anything good for you, they behave humble.
“Do you know acting?”
“I am a doctor.”