This Is Paradise

Don't Go

Alysha's P.O.V

I don't think I could take this anymore. It's been five years without him, and he's still on my mind every second of every day. My heart pounded and my eyes filled with tears, as I remembered that heart breaking phone call.

"You can't do this." I cried into the phone. "Alysha, I'm so sorry. It's for the best. Things have been weird lately and I need time." Vic said, sounding distressed. I wanted to reply to him, but if I did he would've heard how bad I was crying. He was literally the only person I had. My family abandoned me when I was young, and my only hope to stay sane with Vic. "Please, don't go." I whispered, barely audible. "Bye, Alysha." He said. And with that he ended the call.

It's been six years in absolute hell. I've been thinking all these years of what I could have done wrong. Or what was wrong with me. It's like I have been drowning in a pool of insecurities. Except I can't get out, or swim to safety. It's been an endless torture for the past six years. I took out the journal I kept hiding under my bed and began to write. I've been doing this everyday for about five years now. It's an easier way for me to escape, without causing myself physical pain.

Today I wrote twelve simple words.

"Tell me that you love me, cause I need you so much."

A quote from what is probably my favorite Bring Me The Horizon song. I checked the time on my phone once I slid my notebook back under my bed. 1:27 am. I mentally slapped myself for allowing myself to stay up this late again. It feels like it's been the one hundredth sleepless night. I leaned back and tried my best to sleep. Every time my closed closed, I say Vic. His perfect brown eyes staring into mine. Saying he's sorry. But that would never happen.

I shook the thought from my head, and grabbed my sleeping pill of my bedside table. I probably should have taken it a while ago, but I was too distracted. Insomnia sucks ass. Minutes after I took it, I started feeling the effects. My eyelids became heavy, and I let out a deep breathe before turning on my radio and shutting off my TV.

Black Moon by Ghost Town began playing, and I sang along to the words in my head.

Eventually drifting off into sleep, with dreams and images of Vic filling my mind.

Ring ring ring ring.

The sound of my beautiful alarm clock echoed through out my room. I groaned a little bit too loudly, and buried my head under a pillow. Eventually I couldn't take the blaring noise any longer, as I reached over to turn off the alarm. I dreaded the idea of going to work. I hated my job really, but I needed the money. I was a bar tender, barely making enough money to get by. But my small apartment was within my budget.

I slowly sat up out of bed, and made a quick decision to shower. I had the night shift tonight, but it never hurts to wake up a little early to do some shopping and chores. As the warm water poured over me, I traced the now faded scars on my wrist and thighs. I'm actually kind of proud of them, they're like my battle scars. But I'm not the type of person who goes around and flaunts them around all the time. I quickly finished up my shower, and turned off the water. I decided on wearing something simple today, considering I had to dress like a slut later tonight for my job.

I slipped on a new pair of underwear and my bra, before pulling a baggy plain white tee shirt over. After that I slid on my skinny jeans with small rips on my thighs from over usage. While I waited for my hair to dry, I brushed my teeth and applied my makeup. My phone buzzed on the bathroom counter just as I zipped up and put away my makeup bag.

The name Alexxx glowed up the screen and I smiled as I picked it up.

Alex has been my best friend since about three years ago. He's truly one of the best people I have ever met. He had a full head of black, curly hair and bright blue eyes. Attractive to most girls, but just a friend to me. He had light freckles that gathered under his eyes, and spread to about the middle of his nose. I had freckles too but not near as many as he posseses.