just a little bit out of my limit // l.h. // a.u.

- t h r e e

Luke

Waking up in the morning was hell. Not as you would think though; not just in the "I'm a teenager and I love my sleep" kind of way. More like a, "my mum's a druggie, my stepdad's a twat, and I would really rather never wake up again" kind of way.

Dragging myself out of bed was even worse though. Finding the motivation to do anything these days was near impossible, and it took me at least 20 minutes to actually get up.

Again, getting changed took even longer. It was as if with every movement I made, my body disagreed, and was begging me to go back to bed. With every move I made, my body just became more tired and the heavier my limbs seemed. With every move I made, every bone and muscle was telling me that I could take just one day off, it wouldn't harm anyone. Well, to be honest that was a lie. And it was the only reason I went to school; just so that I could get away from home.

I trudged out of my "room", which was only just big enough to fit my mattress on the floor, and the 3 small piles of clothes at the end of it. As you came out of my room, to the right you could see the front door, and the living room joined onto the kitchen; to the left you could see the doors to my mum's bedroom and the bathroom. Making my way to the bathroom was tricky. Trying to remain undetected by my mum and step father was near impossible as I was probably the most clumsy person you could ever find, yet this time I managed not to wake either of them from their slumber - I could still hear both of their soft snores coming from their bedroom.

I tried to avoid looking in the mirror as I got undressed for a shower and brushed my teeth. I did it constantly; I just couldn't deal with the monster I had become. I had become just like my stepdad. Making others feel bad so I could feel better about myself, even though, at the end of the day I did not feel better about myself.

I felt so, so, so much worse.

For some reason I couldn't stop making others feel bad. Either I would do it unintentionally, or I would be pushing others down before I could even process what was happening.

I stepped in the worn out shower and stayed looking at the same white, grimy tile for at least 5 minutes before even attempting to wash myself. After, I reluctantly stepped out of the warm, steady flow of water, attempting to dry myself, again, without looking in the mirror. Eventually, I did have to look in the mirror and it was not a pretty sight. My hair was everywhere and I had dark circles under my eyes; I looked like the walking dead. Squeezing my eyes shut, I rubbed them hard with the heels of my hands making stars appear when I opened them again and making me feel a bit light headed. I trudged back to my room with a towel round my waist and not caring too much this time if I woke my mum or stepdad up - it wouldn't change anything. They'd still be just as pissed at me when I got home from school either way.

Changing as quickly as I could, I put on a Ramones tee, some black skinny jeans and some black Vans. I left the small apartment without bothering to grab anything from the tiny, run down fridge-freezer (that was now a beige colour instead of white), knowing there would be nothing in there.

I wasn't hungry anyway. I wasn't. Promise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

omg update yay

Yeah I know it's been a long time but school halp

Vvvv sorry

Peace

Love

Rubber gloves

Byeeee xx