It is worth best

Life was good for Spock, he had Leonard, but things were never that easy, at least not aboard the Enterprise.

For the moment his relationship with the hobgoblin was going perfectly, even better than Bones had expected. They had kept it in secret, except for Jim, that had discovered it, and McCoy had the sensation that other crew members had rumors about the subject, though, but he didn't mind.

They had been together for two months, four days, eight hours and thirty minutes, approximately. Since the very first day this started Leonard had smiled almost all the time, he wasn't grumpy but joyful, well, he is doctor McCoy, of course he sometimes yelled, to Jim or to some nurse, and he argued eventually with the pointy-eared vulcan, with his pointy-eared vulcan, but nothing serious, just some some philosophical discussions that Leonard liked to end with a kiss.

On duty hours they just saw each other professionally, but they spent all theirs free time together, they had lunch together, although they had to endure Kirk's jokes, and they, after much insistence from Leonard, slept together, at first Spock didn't want to because he feared that someone may see them entering the room and because he actually didn't thought it would felt comforting, but now, he couldn't sleep away from the doctor.

Much of this free time they spent talking, just talking, Bones always thought he could listen to Spock his entire life and longer and never get bored, also they spent great deal of the time cuddling, each one with his own thoughts but with the others warmth, their physical relation wasn't really intense, they kissed but not for too long because Spock did like it but he preferred to avoid much physical contact, although Bones had managed to soften him quite a lot. It wa a really healthy and deep relationship, they admired a lot each other, they cared a lot for each other, it felt as if they had been together all their lives.

But one day, Bones had been called by Spock to the vulcan's quarters after his shift, this wasn't surprising since they do it every day, although today Spock's voice sounded colder than usually, but Leonard didn't worry about it, he was just walking through the corridor thinking on some sickbay stuff.

"Hello Spock, what's up?" Bones asked entering to the vulcan's room.

"I... think we should end our relationship" Spock answered, he had thought a lot about it and didn't want to change his mind now so he spoke quickly, looking at his feets.

"W-What?" Leonard said, his voice broke, he definitely didn't expect that when the vulcan had told him he wanted to speak with him, why? he wondered I thought we were quite good, is something I'd done? he continued asking himself, this was the best thing that had happened to him in too much time and now, it was suddenly ending.

"I think we should end our relationship" Spock repeated.

"Why?" Bones changed his question, his voice sounded sad although he was trying to keep calm.

But the vulcan didn't answer, he just shook his head.

"Damn it Spock, if you are goin' to break with me I have the right to know why" McCoy added, his tone was now more an upset one, as always, he hid his emotions behind his angry expression. The vulcan hesitated a moment.

"Because I love you" Spock rapidly said rising his gaze to look at the doctor.

Leonard froze, he was confused, he was breaking with him because he loved him? that didn't make sense. But the doctor's features softened, that was actually the first time Spock told him that he loved him.

"I don't understand" Bones said calmly.

"I'm a vulcan" Spock said as if that explained all, but after seeing that McCoys expression didn't change he added.

"I feel strong emotions when I'm with you, but, I can't". Bones smiled at this, he was somehow relieved, his baby blue eyes on the vulcan, he sat on the bed and made Spock sit next to him.

"You fear love huh? I know how that feels, when I divorced I promised myself I wouldn't fall in love again but, here I am. I know it's tough for ya, to feel, and if you think that end our relation is the best way I respect your decision, but I have to remind you that you are half human, and that feelings are what keeps us alive. If you think your vulcan philosophy is worth more than love, I won't interfere, but I ask you to think it again." Leonard looked tender at Spock, love could be seen in his eyes. For one side he felt sorrow for his friend, because it took a great time for Bones to realize what is worth best.

The vulcan couldn't look at the doctor during all his speech, he just couldn't. He couldn't say nothing either, there were too many feelings and thoughts on his mind.

Bones took Spock's hand for a vulcan kiss, theirs fingers touching. Then McCoy stood up and walked to the door.

"Good night Spock" he said before leaving.

That night was tough for both, Bones spent the night rolling in his bed, he tried not to cry, but still, some tears ran down his cheeks, and if they were just some is because deep inside he had the hope that his words had meant something to the vulcan, although he couldn't take from his mind the painful picture of a life without his green-blooded hobgoblin, what am I going to do now? What I have left?.

Spock wasn't sleeping neither, for one side because his empty bed felt cold without the doctor, for other side, because Leonard's words had meant something to him, he thought, he imagined, he wondered, what would father say? he asked himself, but seeing that that question didn't drive anywhere he changed it, what would mother say?. Many years ago he had decided to follow the vulcan way, now, he had the chance to chose again, do I regret my decision? the vulcan way had made him achieve many successes, but he had also seen during all this years what could have been, what can be. He regretted it.

He stood up, he was wearing his black tight t-shirt, he exited his room and walked through the corridor, there were some ensings and some nurses but he didn't really care now, so he knocked on Leonard's door. Bones opened the door a little surprised and even more surprised when he saw the vulcan standing there, he looked eager to talk to him.

"What brings ya here?" McCoy asked, his eyes were red, Spock noticed it.

But he didn't answer, he just stepped inside, and in the very moment the door closed he kissed him, he grabbed the doctor with his arms as if he was never going to let him go. Leonard couldn't help but smile.

"You are worth more" Spock said when after a long time they broke the kiss. Bones just continued smiling, those had been the worst five hours of his life, but now they felt more close than ever.

"I love you" the vulcan added.

"I love you too Spock" Leonard answered.

They laid down on the bed, the vulcan didn't let him go at any moment.

"I'm sorry for breaking with you" Spock said caressing the doctor's face.

"You were right, I feared love, but I now understand, I now know" he murmured.

"I'm glad to hear that" Leonard said, he was sliding his hands all through the vulcan's chest and body, as making sure that he was real and that he was there with him. They snuggled up, Bones rapidly fell asleep, that day had been crazy and he was pretty tired, although Spock stayed awake some more time, looking at his sleeping loved one, he was peaceful, he ran his hand through Leonard's hair and then placed it on his cheek, he mind melt with Bones, he touched his thoughts, he felt warmth, peace, love, he saw the tears from when they weren't together, and his joy now that they were. Yes, it is worth best he thought, and without removing his hand from the doctors face he also felt asleep.

It looked as if things were going to get easier, but, ya know, things were never that easy, at least not aboard the Enterprise. But that's another story, and for the moment, Spock could start to love.