Fly Away

Chapter 11 - Hey, Sunshine

**TW: depictions of self harm/abuse, skip the italics if needed**

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Screeching tires.

Crash.

Scream.

Blood.

Blackness.

She's gone.

I drag the razor across the skin of my wrist. The blood is a reminder of what I've done, taunting me.

She's gone.

Gone from the world.

I will never see her again.

I drag it again

Again

And again

Until my skin is a bloody mess

Until I forget.

***

I wake up and roll off my bed. It's been a week since the accident. I look into the mirror and see the ghost of a person I've become.

My eyes are dark and baggy. My skin is white as paper. My hair sits in a messy bun on top of my head, knotted and greasy like a bird's nest. I refused to eat, the weight loss is very noticeable. My collarbones jut out, and I can see my ribs. I felt so weak and could barely stand. I take a deep breath, exhaling all my feelings before they could overwhelm me. I take a shower, letting the water sting my forming scars, letting the water sting the open wounds. Letting the water sting away the memory, the agony.

***

I'm finally back at school. It's been a whole week. What are they going to think of me?

I walk into the hallway and I'm met by a bunch of stares. Whispers.

More whispers.

I hang my head down low.

Whispers.

They're whispering about me.

"Bitch."

"She has the fucking nerve to show her useless ass? "

"Why is she here?"

"Why the fuck is she alive??"

"It should have been Raven. Not her."

And the sad thing is,

They're right.

A fist knocks me to the ground .

And I don't fight back. I don't have the energy. 

I don't have the will anymore.

A kick to my stomach, and I swirl into blackness once again, hearing the screams echo in my ears.

***

"Raven, oh honey, it's okay, it's just a dream." My mom's soothing voice was laced with worry. She was holding me and stroking my back comfortingly in an attempt to calm me down.

I didn't realize that I was the one screaming until I opened my eyes. My entire body was shaking and drenched in sweat, causing my clothes to stick uncomfortably to my skin. I hated it, it made me feel so disgusting and repulsed. Normally, I'd bolt for the shower as soon as possible, but I was too drained and emotional to care about my physical comfort.