the monotonous life of amanda powell

after church

My mom is as desperate as usual. Even though I’m sitting outside on a bench while they stand several feet away from me, I know for a fact that Mom is trying to maintain small talk. In fact, I think that every word my mom says is just adding up to a small talk-type conversation. 

I hear the birds chirping outside. I think this will put Mom in a good mood and she’ll let us have a McDonald’s brunch after she’s done terrorizing Pastor Lucas. 

I see Malachy and his grandma and his three younger siblings. They’re running around him in circles and it’s practically making me dizzy. Or maybe the fact that I only had a Nutrigrain bar to eat so far today is making me dizzy. It’s okay, if we get McDonald’s after this, I’ll order a big mac and I’ll eat all of it. I promise myself. 

“Hey, I’m Malachy.” I look up. Malachy Adrian is standing above me holding his skateboard and his younger sister’s tiny hand. 

“Oh, hi,” I say. I can't bring myself to say more. Julie says that sometimes I go off on rants and I embarrass myself by saying too much. 

“You were in that algebra class, right?” He asks. He’s kind of cute in a weird way. In the way that he has one dark green eye and one brown eye. I’ve never seen a black guy with a green eye before. I don't think he’d wear one contact though, unless he was trying to specifically make his appearance weird. 

“Uh, yeah. I guess it was too easy for you.” 

He laughs. His siblings have begun to run around somewhere else and I think his grandma is talking to Ms. Willow, so it’s just us. Now my heart’s beating faster than normal. Should I have worn lip gloss or something today? Mom’s always pressuring me to be more feminine. I bet she got all the boys when she was my age. She was super feminine. I’ve seen old pictures; she didn't constantly  wear sweatshirts and sneakers. 

“It wasn't that easy. Actually, my grandma made me go into Geometry. She thinks I’m smart,” Malachy says, laughing. He has a sort of deep voice but it’s not awkward or anything. He seems to be a pretty straight-forward type of guy. 

“My mom thinks I’m dumb. Clearly she doesn't understand that I know exactly what’s up with her relationships and stuff. Like, she can't keep a relationship for shit,” I say. 

“Oh… sorry,” Malachy says. Shit. I overshared again. Julie was right. 

“I shouldn't have said anything,” I say softly. 

“It’s okay,” Malachy gently responds. 

I realize that Malachy is probably raised by his grandma. He doesn't even have a mom as far as I know. My heart falls to the ground. Shit, shit, shit… why’d I have to say that?

“No, seriously, I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s not a big deal, trust me. Yeah, both my parents are dead. Don't feel bad about it. I’ve gotten used to it.” He looks me in the eye. 

“Well… I’m still sorry, though. It must suck,” I say. I usually don't talk this much in a conversation. 

“It sucked when I was younger, like eight. After they died. Because, you know, I didn't really understand. I was eight. It was all unbelievable to me. 

“Obviously I understand it now. It’s still shitty, but my grandma’s cool. I’m just lucky I have a parent at all.” 

Damn, he’s humble. 

“Yeah,” I say, looking down at the ground. He keeps trying to look at me. I’m not even pretty. I was thinking about bleaching my hair because Tammy gave me one of her bleach kits for fun this one time, but I don't even know if that would make me look better. 

“Wanna come over sometime?” Malachy asks. My mind goes blank. I realize that the last time I was over a friend’s house was with Julie, obviously, and before that, my friend Ainsley from Ms. Ferrera’s first grade class. 

“Uh, yeah. I can probably just sneak out.” 

I’ve sneaked out before. I think, like, twice. Over the summer I went with Julie and her strangely tall boyfriend to this concert thing. (It was a cover band for the Beatles and they were intensely boring.) I snuck out another time to go to a movie by myself. I had a coupon because one of the old ladies in our apartment complex gave me it and I heard from another old lady that she died, so I felt that I should pay my respects by using the 3-week-old coupon. 

I saw Jumanji. 

Malachy and I wave goodbye. I’m happy as Mom and I drive in silence.