How could I have known?

Why do you ask?

Mark (POV)

"And as always, we will see YOU in the next video. BUH BYE!" I say as I end the recording session with Sean; otherwise known as Jacksepticeye. Although the recording has stopped, that didn't stop us from continuing the game and chatting over Skype. We continued to play Forest Co-Op while chatting about general life stuff.

After an hour or so of us two playing and chatting, he suddenly brought up something that I wasn't really expecting.

"So Mark..have you 'met anyone' yet?" Sean inquired.

"Ehh no, not really. I've been pretty preoccupied with my work and such to really care," I replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh I was just curious is all," Sean answered. "I've just been kinda out of luck in that department. I try going to the local pubs to maybe meet some people, but it never works out for me,"

"Well, all the advice I can give you is to just keep trying, and eventually you will meet someone just as awesome as yourself," I told him. "And besides, who could resist that handsome face of yours?"
He hesitated slightly before speaking.

"Okay, Mark, the recordings over you don't need to joke anymore," Sean chuckled. I suddenly realized what I had just said and quickly tried to cover it up.

"O-oh haha, right, sorry. Guess I'm still in that 'trying to be funny' mode ,"

"Haha.. Right, right.. Well it's pretty late, I think I'm gonna head off to bed," he said

"Yeah, I think I will too. Good night, pal,"

"Night!"

As the Skype call ended, I leaned back in my chair and put my hands over my face. I let out a groan and sighed. God.. Why did I say that? I mean, I know I have feelings for Sean but I didn't think I would just blurt something out like that without having some kind of cover-up for it.

This really sucks. All I want is to be able to hold him and tell him how much I love him. But I know that if I even imply anything remotely close to me having feelings for him, it could potentially destroy our friendship which I cherish so deeply. I got up from my chair and walked out into the living room. I sat on the couch and stared into space as I begun to feel hot tears stream down my face. My stomach sank as the realization of it all washed over me.

"You always have to want what you can't have, don't you?" I scolded myself out loud in a shaky voice as I wiped my face with the sleeve of my sweatshirt. I couldn't help it though. His outspoken personality, his incredible looks, his horribly sexy accent.. I wanted it all, I craved it all, I needed it all...

After sobbing quietly to myself for about an hour, I fell onto my side and cried myself to sleep. All the while thinking of nothing but the one I wanted most.