Dark Academia

Part Three: Stress

Night couldn't come fast enough. I rush from my final class to change into something that didn't stink of old mothballs. Flying up the stairs, I pause just before the door. I knock gently, though it isn't possible that anyone could be there before me.
"Mhm?" A gruff voice answers. I push the door open gently, seeing Clara lying on her cot, thumbing through a magazine.
"Who is it?" She asks wearily.
"Um, Mary."
"Hm." she sighs, not looking up. Clara and I had never spoken very much, despite sharing a room together.
"I just need to change and I'll go." I cross the room to my cot, opening the chest in front of it and retrieving a set of clothes.
"Why?" She asks, turning her head towards me. She sniffs, and laughs. "Wow! Did you get into the cellar or something?"
I just shrug and offer her a polite smile.
"You weren't sneaking one of those Oak Hill boys in were you? Ellen did that last week and you know what happened to her."
I nod solemnly, looking at Clara's stern face and quickly looking away.
"Tell me you aren't." She groaned.
"I'm not, I swear."
Which is the truth. The fact of the matter is I had never so much as even had correspondence with an Oak Hill boy, or any boy for that matter. I was here to focus on my studies, and that's what I would do. She seems to accept that answer, and returns to her magazine. I swiftly change, and, grabbing my books and work, start to rush out of the room, consequentially nearly headbutting Alice.
"Oh!" She exclaims. "Hello there. Where are you headed too so soon?"
"I was- you know I-"
"Relax, we have time."
My eyes widen and I turn to look at Clara. If she heard her, she gave no sign of it. Alice slips past me into the room. She collapses into the armchair, draping a leg over the armrest. I stand dumbly in the doorway, my books still clutched in my arms.
"Relax." She repeats, gesturing to the chair adjacent hers. I set the books on the desk, stiffly sitting in the chair. She regards me for a moment with an amused smile. That makes me feel nervous. She makes me nervous. Or something like that.
"Clara, how's that essay coming?" She asks, not looking away from me. Clara scoffs.
"Professor Ellery gave me a two week extension, and I will be using those two weeks to my full advantage."
"To write a compelling essay on the themes of divine justice in The Divine Comedy?" I joke.
She scoffs again. "But of course."
I glance at Alice, and find her looking at me, still. The burn returns to my cheeks again. Why is that? I press my cold palms to them, attempting to curb the embarrassment I feel.
"And how about you, Mary?"
"Um, well," I stammer. "I'm nearly finished. I'm writing about the relationship between Virgil and Dante."
"Interesting."
Alice smiles kindly at me, and the feeling returns to the pit of my stomach. Again. I shake my head, feeling oddly overwhelmed. My solemn eyes meet her bright, excited ones, and I feel my heart race. Her smile widens slightly, her eyes searching my face. I look down, then back at her, then down again. I knot my hands into my sweater.
"Are you okay Mary? You look a bit unwell." I turn and see Clara looking at me concernedly.
"Um."
My breath quickens, and I feel sweat begin to collect on my brow. "A bit, I think." I stare at my shoes.
"Maybe you should lay down?" Alice looks mildly amused.
"No no," I say quickly, standing. "I think I just, um, I need to take a walk."
"Wait-"
Alice begins to stand as I bolt out of the room. I'm feeling... I don't know. Panicked, maybe. Cornered, yes, but why? I had no reason to feel that way. I find myself fighting tears as I rushed down the halls. Why am I crying? I am more distressed by the fact that I am distressed than whatever is causing it. I don't understand. I was fine just a moment ago. Or close to fine. I find myself once again in that hallway, and once again I am unsure of how I even got there. I push myself against the doors, but they had somehow fully shut again. I slide down to the floor, burying my face in my knees.
"Um."
I look up and see Alice looking at me. This time her face is burning. I should've known she would follow me. Did I want her to? Why would I? She stands awkwardly, not looking at me.
"Hey, um, I'm sorry if I did anyth-"
"It's fine." I say quickly, trying to wipe the tears from my face.
"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything."
"I know, you didn't, I just," I give a short bark of laughter. "I don't know what's wrong with me."
She offers me a sad half-smile, sliding down the door next to me.
"Clara was really confused."
I laugh bitterly. "She's not the only one."
Alice raises an eyebrow.
"Sorry," I start. "That's not what I me-"
"I understand."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
We sit in silence for a while after that, neither really knowing what to say to the other.
"Let's go inside?" She doesn't look at me.
"Yeah."
We both stand, and with our combined efforts, we manage to reopen the doors. Again the wave of stale air hits me, but not as strongly as it did before. The piles of books we had carelessly left around the room were still piled about.
"We should probably pick this up, huh?" She says. I nod in agreement, wiping the tear tracks from my face. Silently and separately, we make our way around, picking up each volume and returning it to its original position. I felt strange. I felt as though I had done something irreparable to our friendship. Was this even a friendship? Does she even consider me a friend? Certainly not after this. But what is 'this'? What had I even done? Entering the area near the entrance, I see Alice on the floor, a book open in front of her.
"What is that?" The sound of my voice is strange against the deafening silence of the library.
"More Dickinson." She answers.
"Can I-?"
Wordlessly, she moves over, making room for me to lie down as well. I hesitate a moment before joining her on the floor. Whatever the pages contained, I couldn't tell you. The only sounds audible are the sounds of our soft breathing mingling. Hyper-aware of her shoulder against mine, I feel it rise and fall. I watch her out of the corner of my eye, seeing that pensive look overtaking her face once more.
"Um."
She says, looking over at me. I quickly return my eyes to the page. I feel her looking at me.
"What do you think so far?"
"Of which?" I ask, hurriedly scanning the page.
"Any of them." Her voice had grown softer.
"Well, um, I've particularly enjoyed I'm Nobody."
She nods, but her gaze doesn't return to the page. I slowly turn to look at her. She doesn't look away, and neither do I.
"Um." She says, that look coming over her face again.
"Um." I say.
She kisses me swiftly, our lips barely touching before she pulls away again. I sit in stunned silence, my face and neck on fire with embarrassment. She sits up, slamming the book closed.
"I've gotta go." She stands up, tucking the book under her arm. "Homework and such, you understand." She keeps her back to me as she speaks.
"Yeah."
"So..."
I nod, not looking up at her. I hear her footsteps quickly cross the room. They stop for a moment, and I dare to look up. We lock eyes for a moment, and I see something in hers. Sorrow, almost. Mourning. She breathes deeply and retreats down the hallway.