Holding On With Someday (Holding On Series #1)

35

"And I will try to stay still while I still can."

More than a month had passed. I wasn't getting any better but I somehow felt happy. Hindi na ako pumapasok ng university at syempre nagtatanong na ang mga blockmates ko kung bakit ang tagal-tagal ko nang wala. I let Grace explained it to them and most of them visited me.

Some were telling me that I should've not hidden it. Some were asking why I hid it.

I choose not to answer that question. I choose to be mum about it because, at this moment, I'm also asking why.

Was it because I don't want them to know how tragic my story is?

Was it because I really don't want people to pity me?

Was it because I don't want people to see me as a vulnerable person?

Aside from those, there are still a lot of reasons in my mind and if I'd tell them all of it, they might not understand me more.

In some instances, it's better not to know the reason at all.

As I look around my hospital room, I realized how long I am staying here, how this room is filled with people who values me.

Minsan nagbabantay sa'kin ang banda o 'di kaya si Grace pero mas madalas si Calli. Pagkatapos kasi ng klase niya, dito na agad siya pumupunta. Umuuwi lang siya kapag tulog na ako tapos bago siya pumasok, dadaan ulit siya dito. I imagined myself seeing Calli first when I wake up and last when I'm about to sleep, pero hindi naman sa ganitong sitwasyon.

Binisita na rin ako ng Tita at Tito niya. I even had a video call with his Papa and Ate. I wished I'd meet them in person.

But I'm happy, at least, I still met them, even if it's not the way that I wanted.

Tapos, iba pala talaga sa pakiramdam kapag nababawasan ang sikreto mo. Si Calli pa lang kasi ang nakakaalam ng tungkol sa mga magulang ko pero okay na rin naman 'yun. Nakakagaan pa rin sa loob, pakiramdam ko parang naging malaya ako.

"She's here," Grace said nang pumasok siya sa kwarto ko. Nakakagalaw na ako ng konti kaya nakakaupo na ako sa gilid ng kama ko. My legs were crossed while it hangs kasi medyo mataas iyong kama ko.

Nang makapasok 'yung sinasabi ni Grace, lumabas na rin siya agad para iwan kami at mag-usap. I then turned to her and smiled.

"Serene," tawag ko sa kanya. Halatang kinakabahan siya kaya naman mas lalo akong ngumiti at sinenyasan na maupo siya and she looked at me after she sat on the chair beside my bed..

"Stop looking at me like that." I tilted my head on the side and smiled at her. "I'm not as weak as I looked."

For more than a month, my physical appearance has changed. I lose weight and I became paler, at kung dati kaya ko pang gumawa ng maraming bagay, ngayon hindi na. Sobrang bilis ko nang mapagod kaya palagi na rin akong nakasuot ng cannula.

"I just can't help but felt responsible for you... after I heard this," she slowly said.

"No," I immediately shook my head. "That's the last thing I would ever think of as a reason why I'm here," I sincerely said.

"But I'm still sorry for what I did, for everything." Napatungo siya, nakatingin na siya ngayon sa magkahawak niyang kamay halatang kinakabahan.

Napalunok ako. "I won't stop you from being sorry because I'll be honest with you, I really was having negative thoughts about you, I wasn't sure about you so I didn't do anything... but then," I paused. "You proved it to me... and I want to strangle you that time," I chuckled. Napatingin siya sa'kin and I immediately flashed a smile. "But that was before, what matter is that you're here, acknowledging your fault... and that's already enough for me."