Ember Grace

Chapter 6

you guys always inspire me to do better every time, thank you so much and stay safe!! you are loved ❤️

***

Ember Grace

Napansin ko na palagi na lamang akong tumatakbo. I was always running. Bakit ba ganito ako?

Palagi na lamang akong tumatakbo sa tuwing hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko sa isang sitwasyon, or if it becomes too much for me, I always run.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko pakikitunguhan ang lalaking iyon. He's scaring me. He's better off without me.

He wanted to be my friend?!

What the hell was he thinking? Nababaliw na ba siya?

Siguro, ngayon, pagkatapos ng ginawa ko sa kanya, hindi na niya nanaisin pang kaibiganin ako. I don't make friends, I've never had one. And, I'm not about to make one.

I never had the chance to make friends, Mama Ysabelle and I were always moving, from town to town. It was like we were running away from something.

I-- I don't know how to act around Coco. I don't like blindly waving my hands around in the dark. It's scaring the heck out of me.

What if he finds out something that he does not like about me, and then he suddenly decides that he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore?

I'm so afraid of dealing with other people, or I just simply do not know how to. It's kind of pathetic.

Coco Seandale is like this bright happy ray of sunshine, he is golden and he is happy. He's living his best life.

Habang ako, ito, I always retreat within my shell, I'm too afraid to interact with people let alone establish connections with them. I can't seem to get out of that.

But what scares me more is that Coco Seandale makes me want to go out of my little cocoon of comfort.

He's slowly getting inside my head. I-- I can't let him.

Change freaks me the hell out.

He freaks me out.

I rolled around on my bed, hindi ako makatulog.

I feel guilty.

He was the first one (well other than Mama Ysabelle) to show genuine kindness towards me and I freaking pushed him away and slapped his kindness on his own damn face!

Maybe he does not have a problem, maybe I was just the problem.

I fell asleep thinking about him.

That happy ray of golden sunshine. I was always the dark cloud hovering above him. I'm no good for him.

***

I woke up, I got up groggily from my bed.

Naghubad ako at pumasok sa banyo, at nagsimulang maligo.

I decided to wear sweatpants and an old maroon colored hoodie that has a fading band print on it. Some random boy band that I got hooked to when I was a little younger.