my protector

•11•

It's been a whole ass week since Caleb and I had to break up. I'm not doing good. Like at all. I have turned back to cutting and my anxiety is over the roof. I can't sleep at night and I don't eat.

I know it sounds crazy that I'm acting this way about a boy, but nobody actually understands what is happening to me right now.

Caleb was my happiness. He was my home and my protection. I still love him more than anything and all I wish is to cuddle with him one last time. Or hug him. Or kiss him. Or tell him that I love him one last time. I can't do that though.

Ansley says that Caleb has been a wreck too. I told her about how the Black X made me do that shit to Maggie. He talks to her quite a bit, and he is a complete mess that we had to break up.

"Bitch!" I hear. The door flies open and Nick walks in. He takes the blankets off of my body and then opens the curtains, "Get the fuck out of bed now."

"No," I groan.

"You haven't showered or ate or slept in a whole ass week. Get your smelly ass out of bed right now and take care of yourself."

"Get out Nick," I say.

"No," he says, "I'm so tired of you and Zion moping around because you had to break up."

I stand up from Caleb's bed and I stand right in front of him. Yes, I'm still staying in Caleb's room. He insisted that I stay while he sleeps with Nick.

"You don't know shit, Nick," I say.

He rolls his eyes, "I do know though. I know that you are heartbroken. You are torn and you don't know what the hell to do. You feel lost and you are terrified. You are absolutely terrified." He pauses and takes a deep breath, "But you can't stop life, Caitlyn. You have to keep going and not give up."

A few tears escape my eyes and I quickly wipe them away. I swear I'm always crying, "Giving up feels like my only option at this point."

"Well it's not," he says. "I'm here for you and so is everyone else in this house. We all love you and we aren't going anywhere. Now please just come downstairs and eat."

I nod my head and I wipe some more tears off of my cheeks, "Thank you, Nick."

He wraps his arms around me and I do the same to him, "You don't have to thank me for anything. I'm always here to help."

I pull away from him and I sigh, "Well lets go downstairs then."

We both walk out of Caleb's room and I feel myself getting very nervous. I've never been so nervous to walk to a kitchen before. I guess I just don't want to see Brandon or Maggie.

And I don't want to see how much I broke Caleb. I don't want him to see how much he broke me.

"Wow, good morning," Ansley says once she sees me down the stairs.

I smile lightly, "Morning."

Sitting at the table is Austin, Edwin, and Ansley. Nobody else is down here and I'm grateful for that.

"How'd you sleep?" Edwin asks.

"Didn't."

"Right," he says, "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, Ed. It's okay," I say. I sit down at the table and Nick walks over to the cabinets.

"What do you want?" Nick asks.

"Uh, cereal is fine," I say. I honestly don't want to eat anything. Nothing sounds good to me, but I know I have to eat something. Nick will force it down my throat.