Moose-Feet Tall

Suicide Watch

Vamsi was another story, though. He was someone else altogether, hence elaborating this to you requires some imagery, so I'll kindly beseech you to picture this: the most lovely, heartbroken Indian boy you will ever meet who has a flair for decay. He hated himself to death, and then some; Vamsi thought he was unlovable, uncared for, and completely disposable. Let me tell one thing about this self-loathing guy, he was, in a way, brought up a bit like our German friend; his parents were a bit too harsh on him and so was everyone around. Vamsi's story is a bit of a sad one if I'm being completely fair, he tells me he should have been born in another country or rather he wishes he had. I'm not really one to tell but according to him, India was retrograde while he was very progressive. I think he's right, you know, when you are inserted in a place or a space that most of the people hate the way you think and the things you do, you either shut up or get struck out at; Vamsi often did the latter.We aren't talking about mental diseases here but if I were to list one thing our Indian and German cronies have in common, I would say they have inner challenges of their own. Vamsi doesn't have BPD, though; he is probably just utterly depressed but BPD is not his thing. One thing about him that is very curious is the respect he has for his father who he hates, you see, he made a promise to him and after everything, every beating, every offence, every lack of love and affection that his dad throws toward him, he still intends to keep his promise until it's due:- I feel very miserable, Daniel- Why's that, Vamsi?-I just do-Then, what are you gonna do about it?- What do you mean, Danny?- You have two options here, Vamsi, you either keep feeling like shit or do something about it - I wish I could get wasted actually- So why don't you?- I'm 18 and I promised my dad I wouldn't drink until I was 21- I thought you hated your dad, though- Yeah, I do, but a promise is a promiseIndeed, Vamsi, a promise is a promise and good men keep theirs. You are doing your best to keep your pledge to your dad because, in the end, you're the better man; better than your father, better than me since, unlike you, I could not keep my word to you. If there are angels on Earth, this self-loathing Indian is the closest thing to them and I wish I could see things the way he does or think as empathetically as he does, but I don't. I don't because the fruits of my spirit scream out that I'm a citizen of my world, that everything I should think, I do. Vamsi is better, though. You know, there is one thing I always say about writers, but truth is that ultimately it's about everything in life. There are bad writers- and bad people- who we should steer away from, there are average writers- and people- that can only see as far as their sight goes, and there are brilliant writers- and people such as Vamsi- that can see further; that can grasp what our ordinary souls will never be able to, and they suffer, they suffer for they know the brilliant world we could have or could have had if we could only look further, but they know that is never going to happen.I will never understand Vamsi's suffering or his love for mankind. I can't. I don't see further. Vamsi, I beg you, don't let your suffering outweigh your vision; if someone can make this hellhole of an Earth better, it's you, and this has been my loving message to you- a suicide watch if you will.