I'm Sorry (Not Really)

Chapter Eight

        

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What is this, new experience?

Warmth,

Happiness,

All the things you bring me.

~A. F.

          I honestly don't know what to say. On an impulse, I knelt down and pulled him off the chair and into the floor.

          "Thomas-" his voice was muffled by my chest. I didn't respond, nor did I let him push me away. He seemed to be too shocked to speak, or so I thought until I felt something wet on my shirt. It wasn't until I heard a stifled sob that I realized it must be his tears. I leaned back slightly so I could see his face, he was indeed crying, and the sight made my stomach twist into many knots, almost as if someone had punched me in the gut.

          "Samuel," my breath caught in my throat, making my voice rasp slightly. He didn't look up at me, "I'm sorry, I- please don't cry.." I spoke before I even thought about it, something so out of character that if you'd told me that I'd say something like that thirty minutes ago I would have called you crazy and most likely told you to fuck off.

          Samuel pushed away from me and then wiped his eyes. "I don't want your pity," His voice was strained. He continued rather aggressively, "I've had enough pity in my life." He rubbed his eyes viciously, glaring at the floor, his eyes still shining with tears.

          "It's not pity!" I said all too quickly. "Samuel, I am sorry that you feel that way but the rumors are nothing more than rumors," I felt the bitter edge of the lie as it left my lips. I shouldn't keep stringing him along, I should have given up now. That would have been the smart thing, end this and let the people in the school make up their own conclusions about what happened but I don't want to let him go just yet.

          You're being reckless, a voice in the back of my mind said, your entire plan will fail because of this. I ignored the thought and turned all of my attention outward, to Samuel.

          He opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by the door to the nurse's office opening, "What are you doing out here still, Mr. Grendel?!" She didn't give me a chance to answer before continuing, "Wait to make out until after school, and certainly don't do it outside my office!" Mrs. Barbro spoke shrilly, but I didn't miss the hint of amusement in her voice and the slight upward curve of her mouth.

          Samuel stared in shock at her and tried to defend himself, "Mrs- I- We weren't-"

           I cut him off swiftly, letting a small smirk grace my lips, "Sorry Nurse Barbro, I was just leaving. Thanks for the advice though, I'll take it into consideration next time." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Samuel's jaw drop, his face turning redder than his hair and brighter than a tomato. I watched the nurse shake her head, muttering about how horny kids these days are as she went back into her office and shut the door.

          After she was gone I stood and dusted myself off, reaching down to Samuel. He pointedly ignored my outstretched hand and stood on his own. We left side by side but almost as soon as we left the nurse's hall Samuel turned and started in the opposite direction of me and his classes.

          "Where are you going?" I questioned, grabbing a hold of his wrist to keep him from ignoring me. He didn't turn to look at me but did stop walking.

          His voice sounded hoarse from crying, "I'm going to my host family's house."

          "What about classes?"

          "I'll make up the work later," he stated simply. He yanked his arm away from me, "are you done interrogating me now?" I stared at the back of his head, willing him to turn around, not quite understanding for myself why.

          "Yeah... I guess," I noticed he flinched slightly at my defeated tone, "text me okay?" He didn't answer, didn't even show he heard me and just continued walking. I got the feeling he would text me, even if only out of guilt.

          I watched him until he turned the corner, for once missing someone's presence. I had never in all my life missed the feeling of being around someone, not my mother, and not my father. But for some reason, I missed Samuel not even five minutes after he left. Maybe it's because he's upset, even then though, I shouldn't care about him. It's supposed to be all an act, so why do these feelings feel real and not fake as they should?

          Stupid Samuel, with his stupid red hair that looks so soft, and stupid skin that feels as if a cloud condensed and came down from the sky just to wrap around his body, giving it a beautiful pale glow and perfect texture. Yeah, stupid him. Damn him!

          I huffed internally and glanced up at the clock in the hallway, it was almost time for classes to let out, which would be the perfect time to go to class. Or I could just skip and go to the mall or something, ask one of the cheerleaders to go with me. The bell rang then, almost perfectly on time with my thoughts.

           I waited until I saw the head cheerleader, Vanessa Vineguard. Vanessa is not only significantly popular because of her work as the cheer captain (she makes the cheer team go out into the community and do charity) but she also isn't one of those petty mean girls. She's actually one of the leading voices against bullying and doesn't tolerate it from anyone. Not to mention she's pretty smart too. Overall, not a bad person, and certainly not bad looking. When she accepts my idea- and I know she will- we'll become a power couple in the school within a week or so. Rumors travel extremely fast and at least one person will see her leave with me, or at least see her talking to me right before she 'disappears' from campus.

          I called out her name and caught up to her quickly, pretending to catch my breath for a second so it seemed as if I had been running after her specifically. She seemed surprised to see me but smiled and greeted me nonetheless.

           "Vanessa, do you want to go out with me? The mall or maybe lunch?" I asked, smiling politely.