Secret War: Upon Blood Sands

Chapter 58

Once she and Torris finished their briefing to the other Throne Agents, she sat beside Attelus as everyone else began moving out.

For about half a minute, they were silent as Adelana worked up her courage to say, 'I'm sorry, Attelus.'

'Sorry for what?'

'Sorry for how I tried to manipulate you up in the Guncutter. How I tried to emotionally blackmail you. I'm sorry.'

Attelus sighed. 'I know. But, Adelana, I suspect that I could forgive you for anything.'

She couldn't help look at him and found he was looking at her with wide eyes which shone with tears, and it took all of her willpower to tear her gaze away.

'I...' Attelus trailed off. 'I...didn't take that damned sword on my own free will, you know.'

'I guessed Attelus.'

'But...but you're still leaving?'

'I'm sorry, Attelus. I can't...I just can't do this anymore. All the killing, the death. I'm sorry.'

Attelus sighed again. 'So, it's become too much for you?'

'It has because I'm not like you, Attelus. I'm not like you, or Hayden, or the others. I never was, I thought that I could become like you, but I can't. I just can't. This mission pushed me beyond...It pushed us all beyond what we thought possible; you even had to use combat stimms. I can't push myself anymore.'

'I see...' said Attelus. 'I...think I understand, Adelana.'

Adelana wiped the tears away and turned to him again. 'You were right before. We should not have abandoned the others. I...was stupid and...scared, scared about what might happen to you, Attelus.'

'And you were right, Adelana. What you thought would happen did and now Verenth, Jelket, Helma and many others are dead because of me-'

'But many, many more would've been killed if you didn't,' she said. 'We would have lost if you didn't. But now we are finished, we can go now.'

Attelus' gaze snapped to Adelana. 'We?'

'Yes, "we," my offer stands,' said Adelana. 'You and I. We break out of this life of killing and death to find a life somewhere away from it, all of it.'

He grimaced as tears poured down his face. 'You...want me to...come with you? Even after everything I've done? After what I just did? I killed your friend, Adelana.'

'But you didn't kill them,' said Adelana. 'That sword did.'

'I...I...I killed your world.'

'Attelus, you know you didn't.'

He began hyperventilating, and Adelana's hand shot out on his shoulder. 'Breath, Attelus', she said. 'Just breath, nice and slow.'

After a couple of minutes, Attelus seemed to manage to gain control of his breathing.

'W-why did-did you have to do this to me?' he said.

'What do you mean?'

'M-making me choose like this? It-it would've been easier if you just said you were leaving. It would've hurt like all hell, but now...Choosing between you and what I have to do. What I need to do.'

Adelana frowned as her attention fell to the floor. 'So, you're going to continue on? Even after what's happened? All the death?'

'Yes, Adelana,' said Attelus. 'I had said no before, and I say it again, even after this...This is my burden to bear, and I can't leave and place it on someone else. Perhaps...perhaps even more so now.'