Dust

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-Hey! - her angelic voice startles me as my gaze falls to the window. -Next time a little heads up before leaving me on the roof by myself.

-Sorry.- "such an embarrassment", the words echo in my head after the quick apology, that's when I realize that my hair is still messy, that the little pieces of concrete must still be glued to the back of my jeans.

-Just give me a second.- I say as I hurry inside the closet and close the door enough to disappear from her angle of vision. I inspect the figure in the mirror, luckily the waves didn't leave crimson stained eyes this time, but the purple and green layer still covers my skin like mud. They say they can't see it, but they're lying, everyone can see it. I try and brush it off in the shower but it never leaves, today however it seems less noticeable, or maybe it's just my imagination. It must be because standing next to Stella my body looks covered in greyish slime. She can see it too, I know she can, I notice how her eyes drift to my forearms as I pull the sleeves until fingernails are the only things the world can see. She shakes her head quickly.

-Let's go.- she demands as she lifts herself effortlessly from the edge of my bed.

We grab our bags and walk out the door, the sun still shines and her skin glows, I am reminded of the black and blue shades of my body hidden under my shirt, the places where my skin threatens to burst open, and I wouldn't mind if it did, because then all of the mud would slide out and I would be shinny and new and a feathery angel.

-It really is a brilliant summer day, we need ice cream and quick! - she hurries to the beach as I fall behind, lacking her excitement. No clouds for Stella, no no. But they hover over me, darkening the sky but leaving just enough space for me to see the edges of them and how the skies are blue for everyone else.

I sit on the edge of the peer, I see my feet dangling and the sea that's revolting under them, but I'm not high enough, I can still see how shallow the water is, it needs to be deeper. My fingertips explore the dangerously sharp edges of the rocks and she's sitting next to me, I know we should talk but I'm already lost in my own thoughts.

I don't think I've cut my fingers yet, I think I'm yet to bleed, I can't taste the sweet red from my wrists sinking in between my teeth. I don't really have power, all I lack is self-control, maybe one day I'll be stronger but for now I'm all alone. Come and see my struggle, cheer me on in my demise, I am breaking, I am falling, I'm destruction in a bottle, I'm on the stage of misfit people, stand up, now cheer me on. When I was 17 I thought I was made of gasoline, I would've gladly lit a match and set myself on fire if that meant heaven was something I could reach.

-Hey! HEY! - she pulls me back to earth so quickly yet so gently, because that's what she is, the softest hurricane you'll ever meet. But I don't wanna be pulled back, I want to drift to sleep. Now I'm forced to question why I have scraped knees and blood under my nails.

-Let's go! - Stella says, I try to turn to her but she is already standing up and the sunlight doesn't let me see her face, it's almost as if she was made of gold, a puppet god was so proud of creating he let her have all she wanted and then some more.

She is already flying away again and I follow, dragging my legs because the air is too heavy, well it's not really the air, it's just me. But I follow her again, I follow her everywhere. That's just how it is with Stella and me, I am a shadow that's always a flinch too late, she is the lightning bolt that amazes you and I am the sound that follows that only annoys you when you're in bed because it keeps you from sleeping and scares you, and everyone knows you'd much rather be seeing the skies light up than laying in a dark room listening to thunder.