Dust

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The lies rushed out of my mouth so quickly that I didn't register them until minutes passed. I drove so fast down the road that I forgot I don't remember how to drive. Stella sitting shot gun, head out the window cheering me on. I let myself believe I might make it now, foot on the gas pedal, eyes wide open. I let myself believe that there's an edge of a cliff on the next turn so I don't have to worry too much about breaking the speed limit, or how I'm not wearing a seat belt. The radio blasts music that I used to love but I don't dare to sing aloud, not now, I'm laser focused. I'm running low on gasoline, lights on the dashboard threatening that the wheels might give out on me any second, but who cares?

The skies are cloudy and it's not how I pictured it to go down. Stella is crying next to me, body folded in itself and for once I'm the one with some backbone. Nothing can stop us, horns blaring, middle fingers up. Doesn't anybody understand? Only the good die young and lord knows I'm the furthest thing from good but I need to leave before I pass my prime. I was always so aware of it, 16th birthday realising if I wait much longer it'll just be sad in a disgust kind of way, sneer comments passed around the coffin about the selfish woman laying down. No, we have to do it now, there is no more time left. Oh Stella, stop it. Isn't this what she wanted all along? Hell, I wanted it too. Except I'm done waiting for it to be slow, I'm going down screaming and laughing baby.

It's a manic sight if you're looking in from the outside, she finally coming to terms with it. Holding my hand to steady my breathing meanwhile choking me on the driver seat. And suddenly I'm not driving anymore, the road is pitch black. Lying down I stare at the ceiling. What a ride uh?