The Pensieve and the Potions Master

Doubt and Confusion

Harry paced back and forth in the Gryffindor common room, trying to figure out why his father would have done such a thing. He refused to believe that James Potter was a bad person. Snape must have done something equally bad to deserve that kind of treatment, he thought. He was, after all, Snape. But as much as he wanted to blame Snape and not his father, as much as he wanted to unsee the memory all together, he couldn't help but feel a growing sense of doubt. Even if Snape had said something mean to his dad, did he really deserve that, he thought miserably. Harry was so deep in thought that he didn't notice Ron's figure appear in the common room behind him.

"Hey, mate, how was the occlumency lesson?" Then Ron gave him a funny look. "Why are you pacing? Snape wasn't too bad to you, was he?"

"No, no, Snape was fine. I'm just stressed about these lessons," he lied. "Closing off my mind is going to be a lot harder than I originally thought."

"I'm sorry, mate, it'll get better over time. But aren't you tired? It's nearly midnight. I just noticed you weren't in the dormitory yet so I came down to check on you."

"Not particularly, but I think I'll head to bed anyway," Harry replied. He hoped that by going up to bed he could distract himself from all of the thoughts swirling around in his head. Ron nodded and headed back up the stairs, followed by Harry. Unfortunately, by trying to sleep, Harry only made it worse. He just couldn't ignore the doubts and fears nagging him. "My father was a good man," he muttered to himself. "He must've had a good reason to do something like that. I've just got to trust him." He repeated these lines over and over in his head in an attempt to convince himself, and only then was he able to fall asleep.

~

The following week flew by, due to an ever-increasing workload, Umbridge's outrageous new decrees, and a strict schedule to adhere to. Even so, Harry was hardly distracted from his worries about his father. He had another occlumency lesson tonight and he didn't know whether to feel relieved or scared. He wanted to ask Snape more, but even he knew that was a bad idea. He had already seen a memory he wasn't supposed to have seen, and he highly doubted Snape would be in the mood to talk about it further. He sighed and drifted through rest of his day thoughtlessly, as his mind was elsewhere. At 8:00 sharp, he arrived at Snape's door and knocked twice.

"Come in," called Snape's distinct and unwavering voice. Harry stepped inside the dimly lit office and faced the older man. "Are you ready to resume your lessons?" When Harry nodded, Snape did not hesitate to cast the Legilimens spell at him, penetrating his memories however hard he tried to resist.

Ron and Harry were cowering in a hollow clearing in the Forbidden Forest as Acromantulas closed in on them, then his memory switched...

Harry was sobbing over Cedric's lifeless body, refusing to accept that he was dead...

Hundreds of dementors swarmed over Sirius's unconscious body. Harry feebly attempted to ward them away, watching as his God Father's soul floated out his mouth...

Harry stared with longing into the Mirror of Erised, his parents stood on either side of him...

Aunt Marge was sitting at a table with the three Dursleys while Harry was washing dishes. She had just finished insulting Harry's father and calling him an alcoholic. "Actually," she continued, "it's nothing to do with the father, it's all to do with the mother. You see it all the time with dogs. If there's something wrong with the bitch, then there's something wrong with the pup."

"SHUT UP!" Harry demanded. His face was flushed with anger and he looked as if he'd finally reached his limit. Just then, Aunt Marge's features slowly started to enlarge, starting with her finger...

Harry was suddenly brought back into the present, breathing heavily and very confused. He hadn't fought back nearly hard enough to push Snape out of his memory, so that must mean that Snape had backed out of the memory on purpose... but why? Before he could ask anything, Snape walked over to the door and pushed it open.

"That's all for today's lesson. Same time next week, Potter," he stated plainly. Harry left without another word, his head still spinning with confusion.