Blank Space

Day

He was dangerous. And I'm screwed. There was a need to be close to him but there were also blinking signs to run. Why am I doing this again?

I am Tinechic. The chicest of them all. And this chic was really in need of help. The loud music didn't help, my nervousness shot up another notch. I got a terrible realization last week. I'm gay. There I said it at last. How did I confirm it, you ask?

It all boils down to the man across the room. Day Guntithanon. Just staring at him across the room was not helping to calm my erratic heart. He was the source of all my confusion and realization that maybe I swing that way.

It all happened when I saw his scandal video. He was getting hard and heavy with a girl just outside his house. He was a real man all right. I would never dare to do that in front or even back of our house. Well, to be fair his house was like mansion so there were full of blind spots to hide. Unlike, my humble house where you could be easily seen if you even dare do that thing.

He was like a beast in heat. Every second spent watching the video, I couldn't pull away from watching him. The girl seemed insignificant to watch. I was hot and super bothered by the turn of events. And the confirmation that I was in a crisis - a tent forming at my underpants.

Shia!

I broke down in front of my friends. I'm an open book to them. Didn't even cross my mind to hide it from them. They were a bunch of supportive lot. They gave me advice on how to be sure. This was the most outrageous but effective way-they said.

"The best way to know for sure." Fong started.

I listened eagerly. Invested in what he was saying.

"Get it out of your system." He finished.

I raised my eyebrows. Both of them.

"Look, you have an inkling that you might be gay because you got excited by the video."

I nodded.

"But you're still having second thoughts right? If you were just caught horny that time. Any good scandal video could excite a frustrated guy. It doesn't mean that you were attracted by the people in them. Need still trumps desire. " Fong elaborated.

The other two immediately agreed. Ohm and Phuak.

"You been celibate Tine for far too long." Ohm quipped. That earned a naughty laugh from them.

I nodded again and again. I'm beginning to see the clearer picture. Maybe frustrations were like building inside me. With the test coming and no love life or inspiration. What a drag. Boring Tine.

"So what you're basically saying is I need to get fucked?" I asked incredulously.

All three of them nodded.

"Or you could do the fucking." Phuak chimed.

I was processing my thoughts. I was such a push-over. I couldn't help but laugh at their antics. Was busily laughing while watching them three doing pumping motions with their body. What a bunch of clowns.

So here I am. Sitting at the bar. Drinking alone. Waiting for my heart to cooperate just once. The three stooges didn't even bother to come. Boobs before bros. Not the other way around. Wonder where they're skirt chasing at this hour? I'm also chasing -no skirt-just pants for now.

I felt another headache coming. I'm a light drinker. Have the alcohol muddled my brain? Already? I checked my watch. The night was apparently young. I'm just spending the time staring at my target. I researched his whereabouts. It was a good thing that Ohm did all the digging. I found out that this club was his usual hangout spot. A bit private and exclusive. And by the way he paraded around you could probably guess he's a regular. I needed to ask favors before I could get in. It wasn't an easy job but thanks to my friends I got in.

He did move a lot. Kissing one girl after another. Where did he find all these girls? All the time I spent at the university, being the university cheerleader, I never got that lucky. I'm not bad looking per se. I'm chic. Tall with nice looking body. Got the abs and all. Suave hair. Nice smile. I'm perfect. Well, maybe not that perfect because until now zero on love. But you could picture it right?

I was so busy watching his every move that I forgot to do it discreetly. Every time he would do something, I earnestly watched. I would like to know more about this guy. But then I remembered. I didn't have to bother. I just wanted to fuck. I'm a simple minded guy. I couldn't do two things at the same time. And apparently, I couldn't stalk while drinking. I'm brooding here and he was there. My goal was so not happening right now. I could feel myself getting tipsy. During this moment, I wished just one of the stooges were with me. How the hell would I go home  now?

I needed to wash my face. I shouldn't drink and stalk. Yep. Shouldn't. Next time. Steadying my feet. I walked carefully to the bathroom. Dizziness started to kick in. Where was the bathroom again? Looking for the signage I steady myself. Note to self: know where the bathroom first before getting wasted. 

Finally.

I go straight to the washbowl. Yes. I just need to wash all the alcohol. I was busy scrubbing my face, when I heard heavy moaning coming from the last stall. My alcohol induced mind were beginning to sober. I've never heard firsthand the sounds of sex. I'm pretty reserved. My views might be on the conservative side but I tried to be liberal on others' view. Sex shouldn't be done in the public. It was a private moment and I was eavesdropping. 

The sounds were getting rowdy and rowdy. I tried to ignore them once again, but I'm really having a hard time. The girl looked like she's getting the fucked of her life. And the flimsy door looked ready to give out, with all the banging it was enduring. The guttural sound inside the cubicle were beginning to reached its climax. Followed by the completion sigh inside.

And I was eavesdropping - again.

I immediately get back at washing my face. Trying to look like I just got here. Heard the door opened. I did not look at the mirror. Trying hard not to look guilty. Witnessing something that shouldn't be public.

I heard clothes that rustle passing at my back as I continue to wash. But that was only one set of clothes. I'm sensing that not both of them will likely exit together. What a clever trick. If my hunch was right, most likely the other person was behind me.

Please be gone. Please be gone. 

I scrubbed harder. Damn these nerves. I'm getting swallowed by them.

The sound of the faucet being opened stopped what I was doing. I looked at the person beside me discreetly. My heart was about to jump out of my chest. He was washing his hands. Aside from the nerves, the butterflies started to show up. My target was here. Washing his hands of the lusty deed earlier.

Day fucking Guntithanon. Fuck!

I tried to look like I was too drunk to care. Tried was such a hard thing to do. Open-book Tine's what they called me but only to a few people. I did another once over, I got caught looking. I was expecting an indifferent look from the other guy. I did not expect him to smirk with knowing eyes.

"Enjoyed the show?" There was a teasing tone to it. I knew I was bad at acting. Trying not to look like a deer caught in the headlights. Such a hard work.

I was about to deny everything, but I couldn't speak. I probably looked like a fish trying to grasp its breath.

"Maybe next time, I'll give you the front row seat..." His breath next to my ear. He was kinda tall. And the cigar he smoked earlier enveloped me like an electric shock. I shivered.

"...Or better yet would you like the backstage pass?" Day whispered oh so slowly, as he pat my head like a little kid. Then afterwards, he left with all his machismo out of the bathroom door.

I felt shivers running again to unknown places; all over my sanity. He'll likely be the death of me. As I clenched my chest tightly. How could you condition your heart to stop pumping?

I repeat the target left. Tine focus. The jelly-like feeling came back to my legs. And I was not sure if it was still the alcohol or the tremors that Day fucking Guntithanon left. 

Clutching my beating wild heart, I definitely knew. If there were an ounce of indecision, this should clear it out. Loud.

Damn, I'm so fucking gay.

Shia!