Against all odds (KyloRenxReaderxArmitageHux)

Chapter Six

I could feel Kylo lean further into my back, his body becoming heavier by the second. The saber turned on with a soft hum and his grip on my hand left to meet around my body - engulfing me in a tight embrace. I let him grip me, I don't know why but I let it happen, his grip desperate and all consuming. He rest his head on mine - it was heavy but I bore his weight - it wasn't like I could do anything else.
I was taken aback to say the least - the Commander who was so fiery and put of a show of invincibility was soft and limp against me.
I pushed him away slightly which he let me do- only so I could embrace him back. And we stood there, hugging - and before long I could feel a dampness against my head.
Was he - was he crying?
Some people have breaking points and maybe he was at his - I knew that sometimes people just need to be held in silencr while they sobbed their hearts outs to relieve themselves of some of their pain. I certainly had done something like this several times - the comforting silence would take over and all you could focus on was the warm embrace and the feeling of a safety net.
I slowly rocked back and forth - from the heel of my foot to the toes of my feet - we swayed.
I led him to the couch, sitting down first and leading him on top so his head was on my lap - half his legs dangling off. His hand over his eyes like a small boy not wanting to show his mother he was crying. I ran my hands through his hair and gently kept petting him - cradling his head.
Why had was I feeling so comfortable doing this? Hell why was I remotely comfortable with any of this - meeting with Hux in his room, then being led to another man's room then holding him as he broke down. I couldn't explain myself to my own concious but I knew it felt okay - I was going to be okay.
I wondered what was going through Kylo's head as he stayed stayed still - eyes shut. His hand reached up to mine and held it - he had ungloved it without me noticing so his hard, cold hands clashed with my own warm hands.
"I think because I can't feel your presence at all in the force - I think it makes me feel safe." He tried explaining himself. "With others I can always feel them, I always have to be prepared - they're always looking - waiting - counting on me making a mistake. I don't know, I don't know- but with you I just-"
"It's okay Kylo, you don't have to explain yourself," I whispered softly.
"I'm not weak." He tried to state firmly, his voice scratchy.
"I don't think you are." I reassured "Everyone's allowed to cry."
"Not me. I'm - not weak." He said again.
"Weak people aren't the only people cry." I squeezed his hands.
"You're making me weak - look at me." He sighed after a long pause, he was talking more to himself target than to me. "Look at me - only just met you and I'm reduced to tears."
I couldn't say anything- everything was moving so fast.
He finally faced me. He looked up to me. A tender pale and puffy face, tears glistening down his cheeks, looked at me. His hair falling by his face, tousled and messy.
We stayed in silence for a long time
"You never saw this." He stood up abruptly. In his eyes deep conflict with himself was evident by the way his gaze flickered from his hands to me - his eyebrows knitting together in a deep frown. "I don't know if I don't ever want you to leave or if I want to kill you."
What. What in the love of God.
The fear that I thought had abandoned me came crashing back. My ears went hot and soon my chest was becoming tight.
"Kylo, please," I pleaded, "what're you saying?"
"I could never kill you - I know I just could never." He grumbled.
"Why would you say that?" I muttered - my heart still thudding vigorously. The hairs on neck still standing alert; My legs throbbed begging me to run and never look back.
"Can I do this?" Before I could even comprehend what he was saying, he leant over, kneeling on the sofa and held my face in his hands.
Kylo lent in and planted his lips on mine - I didn't even have time to register anything before my leg lashed out pushing Kylo away from me with a rough kick - a grunt of pain escaping his lips.
"KYLO."I could hear myself yell. My eyes were wide and I'd lost my breath. "I'm so confused. What're you thinking?"
"I wanted to kiss you," he looked - the rejection stained his face sourly.
"Kylo, I'm scared. I'm lost. This whole thing has just been going at a 100 miles a second. You just told me you wanted to kill me!" I let my thoughts fly. My head was chaotic - it was cloudy yet I could see perfectly well.
"I said I could never." He rebuked - guilt apparent on his face as his eyes remained fixed on my face.
"Kylo. I- I don't know what to say." I was genuinely lost for words.
A long silence invaded the room - apart from my short shallow breaths, you could hear nothing.
"I'm sorry." Kylo finally broke the silence. "I don't know what's happening to me."
He crawled towards me and cupped my hand in his.
"Forgive me." Brown sincere eyes begging me for a chance.
"Please take me back," I let out in a small whisper, feeling overwhelmed, "to my cell."