At What Cost? - IzuOcha

ℂℍ𝔸ℙ𝕋𝔼ℝ 𝕊𝕀𝕏𝕋𝔼𝔼ℕ

"So, have you been feeling better, Ochako? You know, since the incident?"

"Better... I think," I replied.

"Are you still having nightmares? And are you experiencing any PTSD from the event?"

"Yes, and yes..." I responded.

The person I was talking to was my therapist. My mother and father had set me up with one after the event that went down two weeks ago. It hadn't really done much to help me though. I was out of school for it, and had just returned a couple days ago to continue my studies. Although my class hadn't welcomed me back with open arms. It was the opposite.

Everyone thought I tried to kill him. Many rumors went around and nobody would believe my story. Even Tsu and Iida didn't talk to me, two of my most trusted friends. Iida himself blamed me for what happened to him and Deku, all because I was stupid and didn't tell anyone what went on. It was hard trying to convince people I was being controlled without proof. The police did research though, and with the information found, I wasn't arrested ot charged. If I would've been charged, I could've been in jail for twenty-two years.

The stress and depression had hit hard, too hard to deal with, and it earned me a few more cuts on my arm. I didn't tell my therapist that, though, and hit my scars with a hoodie. Deku's hoodie, to be exact. Deku's mom had seen me wear it that night, and gave it over to me. I think it was so I had something of Deku's while he was in the hospital, to keep me from losing my mind when I didn't go see him. It was a sweet gesture, really, as she was one person who still trusted me and didn't hate me after this.

I had gone to visit Deku in the hospital every day I could since the incident. I usually sat and talked to him, telling him how everything has been and that everyone was excited to see him once he was finally allowed to go back to school. I enjoyed our talks together, really. I still feared for myself, especially since I was informed that the villains had escaped, and I couldn't be left alone anywhere from now on.

On top of it all, I had to take medicine for my depression and anxiety. They were a reminder that my life had become a downward spiral, and I would pretend to take them.

"Alright, that's all for us today, Ochako. Same time tomorrow?" my therapist asked me.

"Yes, thank you," I told her, shaking her hand.

We said goodbye to each other and I exited her office, heading back to the lobby where my mother was.

"Ready to go, mom?" I asked her as I entered the lobby.

Yeah, let's go. I take it you want to go see Izuku in the hospital?" she asked me.

"Yeah, if that's alright with you..." I asked her nervously. I was always scared she would say no.

"Of course, baby. You know, he must really enjoy you visiting him so much," my mother said, winking to me.

"He does. Although I can't help but apologize to him twenty times a day for what happened..." I told her.

We entered her car, me sitting in the passenger's seat. The hospital wasn't far from the therapist's office, so I was able to visit him after every session if my mom was up for it. Usually, when she wasn't she would drop me off and pick me up later. We didn't talk much on the way there and were there in about five minutes. She pulled into the parking lot and dropped me off at the doors.

"I've got some stuff to do, but I'll be back in a few hours to pick you up, sound good?" she asked me.

"Yeah, thanks mom," I said, smiling to her.

"No problem, sweetie. Tell Izuku I said hi," she said, waving me off and smiling.

She drove off as I continued inside, heading towards the front counter. There was a lady there, frantically typing on a keyboard as I walked up.

"Name and person you're visiting?" The lady asked.

"Ochako Uraraka. I'm here to visit Izuku Midoriya," I replied. he lady pulled up the visitor's list for Deku, skimming though it.

"Ah, here you are. Floor two, room 212," she stated.

I knew which room it was but thanked her anyway, before heading to the elevator. I clicked the floor two button, and it closed and headed up a floor. It stopped and the door opened. Standing there on the other side was Iida, who looked shocked to run into me. He must've just gotten done seeing Izuku... He didn't make eye contact as he entered the elevator and I exited it. I knew he was still iffy about the whole thing.

I didn't let him get to me. Sure, I was really upset that we weren't talking right now. But Deku getting better was more important to me. I got to his room and knocked, before going inside.

"Hey, Deku. I'm here," I said to him.

No response. Just his medical machines beeping. He had a breathing mask on and an IV in. I sighed. It wasn't like I expected a response... he had been in a coma the last two weeks after all. I sat in the seat next to him and held his hand as I usually did. It made me feel more at ease.

"I had another therapy session today, Deku. The therapist thinks I'm doing better," I told him. Even if he wasn't conscious, I enjoyed talking to him.

"I don't think I'm doing much better, though. I cut again last night, and I know you don't like that and I'm sorry. I just can't stop blaming myself for all this," I added in.

The room was silent, which I was used to when I visited him. I secretly wished one day I'd walk in for a visit and he'd be there, awake and waiting for me. But that probably wouldn't happen anytime soon.

"You know Deku, I know I say this a lot, but thank you. It's because of you that I'm okay now. I owe you everything. You're my guardian angel, Izuku. My angel in disguise. So thank you from the bottom of my heart," I said, leaning in and very gently hugging him.

I then felt those feelings again, the ones I always felt towards him. I brushed his hair back a little, and leaned down and placed a light kiss on his cheek, and smiled at him. I knew if I wasn't smiling I would probably be crying.

"There's something I wanna tell you when you wake up," I began. "And... that's my true feelings. I want to tell you what I've been hiding from you. And that thing is that... I love you. I always have, Deku. And when you wake up that's the first thing I'm gonna tell you."

I felt a blush come over my face, realizing that was the first tike I had ever admitted it. The first time it was clear to me. I was in love with Izuku Midoriya.

I spent the next few hours telling Deku about my day and venting my problems and insecurities to him. It always helped ease my mind. Besides the occasional nurse coming to check in on him, it would only be us two in there. It was the only way I could think of spending my time, and that was with him. Any time I wasn't with him, I wanted to be with him.

Eventually though, my mom messaged me that it was time to go. I gave Deku another careful hug, before heading to the hospital door.

"See you later, Deku... I'll be back soon."

Within a few minutes I was out of the hospital, and went over to my mom's car, which was parked up front. I got into it and sat down in the passenger seat.

"Did you enjoy your visit, Ochako?" She asked me.

"Yeah. Could we... come back tomorrow too?" I asked her and she chuckled.

"We'll see, sweetheart."

I looked out the window as we drove off. I owed my freedom to him. Izuku Midoriya, the boy who stole my heart.