Nightmares of a Beast

11. Addiction

S>POV

I held the poker face until Cal had left the apartment, door slamming behind him. I flinched at the bang, sliding to the floor when the footsteps receded from outside the apartment. I could hear his feet pitter-patter down the concrete steps, fading faster the further he got away. Regret swam at the depths of my satiated stomach, pickle disagreeing with my decision to just let him go. There wasn't an excuse I could make myself believe was good enough to tell him. I didnt think he'd notice. The pricey cut of meat, the car, my black card; he'd seen it all because I hadn't taken enough caution to hide anything from him. I wasn't ready to tell him my backstory. The meat had been a gift to myself for the first time in a long while, the car had been hidden and parked in the parking garage for absolute necessity. The black card was hidden on my person for emergencies. I had used both in a splurge to cover what we needed. I let myself get exposed for the sake of a new friend. Even then, it was a poor excuse for my selfish wish for my old life. Going back would never let me become the person I was, pushing Calumn away wasn't a solution to my issues; I knew I'd need to find him. Find him before I decided he was better off without knowing me. 

Respecting his space, I sat in the living room o the couch tapping my fingers against the arm for fifty minutes. Getting up and waging war against myself inside my head as I paced back and forth in front of the door. 'An hour should be enough time, right?' 

I ran the fingers of my hands through my greasy hair while glancing at the clock until the big hand hit the hour. All I could do was shudder in a sigh of immense relief before shrugging on my jacket and slamming the door behind me. Each stair landing passed by in a blur, using the hand rails to lift my body weight and swing myself multiple stairs at a time until I reached the ground floor; my breaths heavy and sweat rolling off in beads against my forehead. 'I hope he didnt go far. Where would he even go?' 

I doubted Cal would be anywhere we'd gone together before, and I didnt know him well enough to know where he like to hang out or blow off some steam. I wouldn't know where to find him, and it scared the hell outta me. So, stupid and hopeful; I went to the first places that came to mind. First his school, then the club where he sang last time, and lastly the arcade. Regret curled in  my gut as the sun began to go down and the temperature turned chilly, I was swimming with worry by the time I came back and found him curled up asleep on the sofa. 

———————

The residual sound of a pot hitting the floor woke me up, Cal's deer in head lights look was enough to sober me up and if it wasn't; the evidence of his dance session in a ridiculous apron was. I laughed, rubbing the fatigue out of my face along with a nasty string of drool and standing. 

"You okay there?" 

Cal seemed to get her his thoughts and collected the wok off the floor.

"Yeah, was gonna make breakfast. You want some?" 

"Sure, we got any eggs in that thing?" 

I jerked a hand towards the fridge behind him, noticing his socked feet curling against the floor. 

"Aren't you cold in that thing?"  I asked. He shrugged, the strings of the pink apron outlining his shoulder blades and the ripple his back made with the motion. He set the wok upright on the stove top, milk and a carton of eggs being set on the counter. 

"You cook eggs with a wooden spoon?" 

I got another shrug in return. 

"Why not, it works for what I got planned anyway." 

I drummed my fingers on the island, throwing the idea of bringing up the night before back and forth inside my head. I waited until we finished the breakfast had he'd made before setting my fork down to broach the subject. The I picked it back up and punched a cube of zucchini through the eggs and Italian sausage.

"So."

Cal looked up from his own plate.

"So?" He questioned.

"About last night—

"Don't even right now—

"Just hear me out, okay? I already regret what happened yesterday, I dont want something like that happening again." 

My admission seemed to be enough for him to begrudgingly listen.  A warning look and a puff of breath cautioned me to measure my words carefully. 

"You know I regret it. I really do, and words wouldnt be enough and I know that. I'm hiding something and you know that, I'm ready to tell you what but not how. I'm hoping you'd be willing to accept that." 

"What—What you're hiding. Tell me." 

"I'm not really as broke or homeless as I initially led to to think—

He rolled his eyes at that. 

—I'm actually a runaway from my family. A wealthy one at that. I've only got what I was able to set aside and I'm looking for a job, so please dont think too badly of me. I'm not hiding anything more." 

"Don't look at me like that." 

I tilted my head at him, confused. 

"Like what?" 

"Like a kicked puppy, god dammit. You're supposed to be the one apologizing here."

Chuckling a little, I couldn't help it when he tried so hard to be angry at me. The result was an expression similar to a child's pout. 

"I dont know what you're talking about." I grinned 

Cal scoffed at me, rolling his eyes and throwing a zucchini chunk at my head. I slapped it away and he chortled, unbelieving. 

"You could've let it hit you at least!" I laughed, he was pouting again. 

"Fine, throw another one at me." 

"No, that's offensive to the zucchini." 

Rolling my eyes, I huffed. 

"I can't believe you sometimes." 

"Hey! You lied, not me." 

I diverted my attention to the kitchen wall at the jab. 

"I know." 

The smile instantly died on his face, the mood dropping like a ten pound bowling ball; heavy like a blanket over our heads. 

"I didnt mean to." 

"I know." 

Cal got up from his chair with a scrapping  sound, gathering the white porcelain plates on his arm; our forks piled on top. I grabbed the glasses and followed to the kitchen sink. The day's events passed through my head in an infinite loop, repeating the conversation we'd just had. My mind was a mess and I didnt know if our friendship would ever be the same again, but I think a part of me secretly hoped it would. My depressing thoughts came to an abrupt end though, Cal having thrown a handful of bubbles at my face while I thought. 

"Dont make such a depressing face, it makes you look old." 

I knew he was joking from the slight smirk on his face but I stifled a retort by tossing another handfuls of bubbles right into his smug little face. Shrieking in outrage, Cal dropped the plate he had been cleaning back into the soapy water of the sink and flung a new handful of suds in my direction. A sopping wet bubble fight ensued, leaving the both of us soaked through to the bone with smiles barely contained on our faces by the end of it. I couldn't help but return the grin Cal had on his face, each breath after that like a laugh waiting to happen and my heart a little bit lighter than it had been. 

'We're going to be okay.'