take my hand (take my whole life, too)

3. gay and bad at directions

age fifteen

"I can't believe you still can't tell which way we're going."

Gray shakes his head at Natsu, pushing him toward the correct path through the woods. The woods are muggy and the sun is hot, spilling through the trees and warming the skin at the back of Gray's neck.

"It's confusing," Natsu insists, taking a sip of his slurpee. He sticks his tongue out at Gray and it's bright blue.

"How is it confusing?" Gray asks, rolling his eyes. "We've been here a thousand times." He grabs the cup and takes a sip, then makes a face at the taste. "Ugh, how can you drink that? It's gross."

"You're gross," Natsu replies, punching Gray's arm and taking back the cup. "This is delicious. All the best flavors – bubblegum and root beer and blue raspberry."

"None of those things go together," Gray argues.

"Well, nobody asked you," Natsu grumbles, tipping the cup up and swallowing the rest of it in one gulp. Gray can't help staring at the lines of Natsu's neck, at the reddish tint to his lips, at the way his long lashes rest against his skin when he closes his eyes. Then Natsu wipes his face with the back of his hand and Gray looks away.

He'd realized he was in love with Natsu just before Christmas. It wasn't a sudden revelation – he had just slowly settled into the idea that his heart belonged to a wide smile, a thousand freckles, and wild, pink hair.

"C'mon," Gray says, trying to keep his voice steady. If Natsu notices, he doesn't say anything, just follows Gray down the path through the woods. "See?" Gray bumps Natsu's shoulder. "That way is north."

"Look," Natsu says, popping a sunflower seed into his mouth and turning to walk backward so he's facing Gray. "You can't judge me about this."

"Oh?" Gray raises an eyebrow, reaching out and grabbing Natsu's wrist to keep him from tripping over a tree root. His skin is warm and soft under Gray's fingers, and dark brown from the summer sun. Gray's stomach does something funny at the contact and he quickly lets go. "Why not?"

Natsu doesn't answer and Gray frowns at him. An unfamiliar expression flits across Natsu's face, and it takes Gray a second to realize that it's uncertainty.

"'cause I'm gay and bad at directions," Natsu says eventually.

It takes a second for the information to sink in. Gray's suspected that Natsu was gay for a while, but he's never said anything because Natsu has never said anything.

"Oh," Gray says.

"Yeah," Natsu says quietly, shuffling backward and chewing his lip. "I, uh—"

"I guess being bi helps me know which way is north," Gray says quickly. He keeps his eyes on the ground, scuffing the toe of his shoes along the pine needles that cover the path. Even knowing that Natsu also likes boys isn't enough to take away the sensation of his stomach falling out of his body.

"Ah, yes," Natsu says, kicking at a cloud of dandelions. "The two genders. North and south."

Gray looks up at him and Natsu grins, then dodges out of the way as Gray swings a punch at his shoulder. "You're an asshole," Gray grumbles. Natsu laughs and tosses a sunflower seed at him.

It's not until they've climbed up into the tree and are settled on their branch that Natsu asks, "How long have you known?"

"About you?" Gray asks. "Or me?"

"... you knew about me?"

Gray shrugs. "I dunno," he says, kicking his feet up against the branch across from them. His legs are long, now, and he can reach farther than Natsu can. "I guess."

Natsu swings his feet back and forth and kicks at the thin branches below them until the leaves fall off and float down to the ground. "How'd you know?"

Gray tips his head back and forth as he stares out at the mountains. "You're my best friend," he says eventually. It's not really an answer, but it's the truth. "How long have you known?"

Natsu chews his lip. "Like... a month? Sort of?" Gray raises his eyebrows. "I dunno, it's not something I thought about a lot. I just... girls are cool and stuff, but then the guys in the locker room at school kept talking about... y'know." Gray nods. "It felt gross," Natsu continues. "But then..."

Gray nudges him. "Then?" he prompts. Natsu shakes his head and Gray can see that the tips of his ears are turning red. "What?"

"'s embarrassing," Natsu mumbles.

"It can't be that bad."

"It is." Natsu huffs. "You go first."

"Go first for what?"

"How'd you know? That you liked guys. And girls, I guess."

Gray hums, tipping his head up and staring at the white wisps of cloud threading across the bright blue sky. "Buffy," he says after a second. Natsu snorts and Gray kicks him. "Shut up. I just thought Willow was hot and then Spike took off his shirt and..." He shrugs.

"Okay, yeah, I can see that," Natsu admits.

"Your turn."

Natsu sighs. "Heath Ledger." Gray can't help but laugh and Natsu punches his shoulder. "Shut up, I told you it was embarrassing."

"Was it 'Ten Things I Hate About You?'"

"Yes, now stop being a dick."

"But you like dicks."

"Oh my god, you're gross."

~

Nothing changes after that, and Gray's grateful. They still spend every weekend together, climbing trees and exploring the woods, and they still hold hands when they watch movies on Friday nights at Gray's house. Gray still feels the low thrill in his stomach when Natsu touches him, but that's nothing new and he can push it away.

Natsu's his best friend, and Gray doesn't want that to change.