take my hand (take my whole life, too)

6. going home

age twenty

Not talking about the kiss is not the same as not thinking about the kiss, and despite Gray's best efforts, he thinks about it every day.

"He's probably in love with you, too," Rogue says one day when they're both lying in the university quad on their backs and staring up at the sky. It's a brilliant blue, and it makes Gray long for summer days with Natsu, having water fights or jumping on the trampoline in his back yard.

"What if he isn't?" Gray rolls onto his stomach and sighs, grabbing his iced coffee from where it's balanced precariously on his textbook. He's given up the pretense of not being in love with Natsu – Rogue's rolled their eyes at him enough times that there's just no use in pretending.

"What if he is?" Rogue tips their head to look at Gray, who stubbornly ignores them in favor of helping a ladybug across a particularly large leaf.

"He's my best friend."

Rogue kicks his ankle. "You're supposed to be best friends with the person you're in love with. That's the point."

As if on cue, a shadow stretches out over Gray, immediately providing relief from the sun beating down on the back of his neck. It's Sting, who flops down between the two of them and leans over to kiss Rogue's cheek.

"Hey babe," he says, then nudges Gray with his knee. Gray hums in response. Sting reminds him so much of Natsu – wide smiles and wild hair and a million freckles. It's comforting in a way, but sometimes it makes Gray's stomach hurt with longing. "What's up?" Sting asks.

"Gray's avoiding his feelings," Rogue replies.

"So, the usual."

"Fuck off," Gray mutters, punching Sting in the thigh. "Can we please talk about something else?" Sting laughs at him and ruffles his hair good-naturedly.

"Fine," Rogue says. Gray watches them take Sting's hand and tries to tamp down the jealousy that simmers in his stomach.

Maybe Natsu does feel the same, he thinks as Rogue starts to talk about the art show they're both in next weekend. But I can't take that chance.

~

Gray checks his mail on the way back to the dorm and is surprised to find a large, elegant envelope addressed to him. Inside is a simple card in pink and cream.

You are formally invited to the wedding of Erza Scarlet and Jellal Fernandes on the 5th of August at Kardia Cathedral.

Gray lets the words sink in as he reads them again. He'd known Natsu's sister was engaged and that the wedding was soon, but he hadn't given much thought to it until now. August 5th is only three months away – short notice for a last-minute wedding – which means that in twelve weeks, he'll see Natsu again.

His stomach does a complicated leap and dive at the same time, leaving him disoriented and red-faced. He hasn't seen Natsu in almost a year. Every time they tried to get together, something disrupted their plans – family visits, sports camps, an art retreat. If Gray's being honest with himself, he hasn't been trying very hard to make it happen. It's not that he's avoiding Natsu, it's just that it's easier if they don't see each other, and the distance gives him an excuse to keep pretending he's not uncertain and in love.

"Huh," says Rogue, appearing behind Gray and reading the note over his shoulder. "Guess you're going home."

~

When Natsu sees Gray for the first time in almost a year, he nearly kisses him again. The only thing holding him back is the uncertain look on Gray's face, so Natsu pulls him into a hug instead.