What Really Matters

Chapter 5: It's Just the Little Things

Gon is weird. His morality is strange, yet Killua would often find himself admiring it. Gon never cared what was right or wrong if it benefitted him. Selfish, but it worked in Killua's favor. Gon didn't listen to rumors, and he acted on intuition; he was welcoming. Gon is a good person. Characteristics such as selfishness and goodness weren't precisely something Killua thought would ever intertwine; Gon succeeded. He was kind towards others, and if a person has done wrong deeds that didn't affect him, he didn't mind. He would give them a second chance as balanced equals. Gon influenced his own decisions—he was his own individual.

I guess the question is: Does Killua deserve to have someone like Gon by his side? Did he deserve to have Gon as a friend? Thoughts such as these often plagued Killua's mind, especially if he were alone at times like this.

Killua squirmed under Gon's hold. Hummingbirds buzzed by the window where morning light seeped in. He felt safe here in Gon's bed—with Gon asleep next to him, holding him in a place like he was worried Killua might disappear. Feeling Gon's rhythmic heartbeat, feeling warmth under the calloused hand on his stomach, hearing the soft snuffles Gon would breathe out in his sleep—Killua never wanted to leave this position. Ever.

He often wondered if this codependency was healthy. Was it healthy for Gon? Did Gon honestly understand him? Killua's questions were hardly ever answered. The penalty for thinking things through.

Killua felt Gon shift beside him, "Killua, Goodmorning." Gon's voice was hoarse.

It was only one phrase. A phrase people often exchanged between one another, yet from Gon, it made him feel fuzzy inside, and he couldn't keep the involuntary smile from forming on his face. "Goodmorning, Gon."

Gon crawled over Killua and began undressing to get ready for school.

Again, another ordinary action that everyone does each and every day, yet the sensation of want pooled deep in his gut. Gon must've exercised daily. That or he had a naturally strong build. Either way, Killua couldn't tear his eyes away from Gon's back and shoulder muscles, twitching ever so subtly as he scavenged the room for a shirt. Killua so vividly remembers sinking his fingers into those shoulder blades— feeling Gon's hard stomach collide with his own. Killua shivered, No. I shouldn't be thinking of things like that.

Killua threw the bedsheets off of him. Getting ready would've much easier if his dick understood that he wasn't in the position to fuck right now. Screw being a teenager. And screw Gon, who obviously noticed but pretended not to. "Stop staring!" This is so embarrassing.

Gon jumped as if he was just accused of murder, "What was I doing?"

Killua grumbled and walked to the bathroom. A new toothbrush that hasn't even been removed from the box was lying on the counter beside Gons. A simple deed—an act of kindness that shouldn't have made Killua hesitate and his heart pound against his chest.

He huffed, these feelings were unhealthy and something he needs to get rid of for both Gon's sake and his own.

~*~

Time flew by, and Saturday rolled around the corner. The day of their recital. Something that Killua was unable to label caused his stomach to feel heavy—the thrill of excitement mixed in with nervous anxiety. His oldest brother taught him that playing too much before the performance would worsen the outcome, yet he never wandered more than ten feet away from the piano. It's like his subconsciousness put an imaginary leash to the leg of the piano bench.

He picked up his phone once he heard it ringing.

Gon's voice echoed the room. "Killua!"

Killua's face heated at the sound of Gon's voice so close to his ear. "Idiot, you shouldn't yell through the phone because someone's ear is close to it."