Reunion In A Restaurant In Michigan

I Count Your Heartbeats Before You Sleep

I am continuing the storyline of the one-shot about Alfred going missing and then coming back to Ivan. Yes. In this one, Ivan decides to go off his meds without telling anyone and deal with his illness untreated. He hides the resulting symptoms well, or so he thinks. Alfred is in the thick of dealing with narcolepsy, but he is more observant then Ivan realizes. The title is song inspo, lol.

The pill is on my palm, ready to be pushed to the back of my tongue and swallowed with water.

I should take them. But I've been on them for two years and I'm honestly tired of the side effects, like my foggy head and inability to actually think. They're already very slowly weaning me off the high dosage. I know I should be patient; I'll get off them eventually. But I hate them. I'm tired of it.

My hand trembles a little as I drop the pill back into its home. I won't tell anybody. I'll try it out for a month. It can't be that bad, honestly.

You'll regret it. It'll come back again.

Determined, I fire back, "It's just a trial. If it goes bad, I go back on them. Deal?"

You idiot.

I look at the mirror, feeling my smooth-shaven cheeks. "You're the idiot, asshole."

She wishes she had a normal brother all the time, one that doesn't talk to himself or stay inside constantly. And your foster parents want a better son.

I drop my gaze to my hands, too ashamed to look at myself. "I'm too loud, I'm obnoxious, I'm strange and I eat too much. I want to go far away from everyone who has ever had to deal with me."

"Ivan? Are you talking to Alfred? Oh. Ivan? Who are you talking to?"

Katy stops in the hall, witnessing me staring wide-eyed at the mirror. My face goes hot as I glance at her, and then stare at the marble sink upon seeing the look of worry on her face. "I, uh...I'm fine, sister. They're not causing me too much trouble, if that's what you're wondering."

She nods, still giving me that look as she carries her laundry down the hall. I exhale, wringing my scarf in an anxious habit I've had since childhood. "I'm fine. I swear to fucking God, I'm fine. I can be fine, can't I?"

We'll try it out. But it will not be easy. Kat is watching you, you know.

"I know she is. But she does not mean it maliciously."

Did I mention it won't be easy? It's very risky. The whole town is waiting for you to relapse.

I clench my fists and try to keep my voice down. I mumble in response, "Obviously...they all are."

I move my gaze from my fists to the mirror. A pale guy who seriously needs to get his butt back to the gym stares back at me. He has an absent look on his face as his fingers trace the same pattern on the countertop. He's fine. He really is.

"Ivan, are you up for breakfast? I forgot to tell you, I'm sorry, but Yao is stopping over to drop off some...stuff."

I leave the bathroom, anxiety kicking up. It's too early for guests! I don't know Yao well enough!

"Ivan?"

Nervously bouncing on my toes and instinctively hiding in my scarf, I scurry downstairs into the kitchen. Mom chuckles, lightly hitting me with a dishcloth. "Did you know when you run down the stairs, the house shakes?"

I give her an irritated pout. "You didn't tell me anyone was coming over!"

She smiles apologetically as I pour myself Lucky Charms cereal. "Sorry, Ivan. I'll warn you next time. But it is hard when you're...busy with conversations in front of the mirror."