Reunion In A Restaurant In Michigan

⚠️all i want is you now

Alfred dealing with his BPD and Ivan trying to help him. Ivan begins to wonder if he is making Alfred more sick, but then realizes Alfred has to help himself. TW FOR SELF HARM! Also tw for age regression on Alfred's part. BPD can cause that to happen along with trauma, generally. 

Ivan POV

When I find Alfred singing and giggling to himself, his arms covered with blood, I begin to wonder if I'm good for him anymore. 

I bandage his arms, my hands shaking, it only getting worse when Alfred loudly sings, "Gonna kill myself, yeah!" 

I help him to bed, and put Whale Dude in his arms. "Alfredka, you scared me."

His eyes are wide and blue, and then he begins to cry. I rock him, shushing and singing in Russian. He sings too, that stupid Rebzyxx song.

Eventually, Alfred goes from singing and crying to sitting on his bed, spaced out, his eyes completely vacant.

I recognize the signs of him emotionally shutting down, something his brother says happens sometimes during breakdowns. 

I text his brother and then Mom. Kat appears in my doorway, and I rush over. "Sister, please. What do I do?"

She pats my arm. "You did great, Ivan. Did you text his brother? Okay, good. You did all you could."

I bite my lip. "What's going to happen to him?!"

"He needs the hospital, Ivan. He's a danger to himself." Mom says, eyes full of worry. 

I try not to panic, my fingers on my rosary. "Okay."

Alfred is helped to the car, not seeming to understand how to use his own walker. I eventually carry him, Kat folding up his rollator. 

It's when Alfred is sitting on a hospital bed that he begins to come back. He looks confused and panicking until I put an arm around him. "Hey, hey. Alfredka, you're okay."

Alfred is transferred to a psych ward, a new one they just built in Washtenaw. I can't see Alfred until a week later. He seems calmer, a little zoned out on medication, but otherwise himself. He's hugging Whale Dude, yawning, rubbing his tummy. 

I grimace. "Psych ward constipation. It is truly real."

He laughs. "How'd you know? Do I look constipated? Oh fuck, I do!"

I kiss his lips. "You look hot as usual. And yes, you do look constipated but so does everyone else here."

Alfred laughs, and the sound brings a smile to my face. "You were rubbing your stomach. I just...I just guessed."

He whines, "It hurts, Ivan! I wanna go home!"

I hold him, and he quiets down, his thumb in his mouth. I smile at the endearing sight and vow in my head to protect my boyfriend. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alfred eventually goes home, and keeps going to therapy. I see more and more glimpses of Little Alfred; when he hides under his blankets during a storm, or sucks his thumb when we're cuddling. 

I encourage him to nurture his inner child, along with his therapist. "Your inner child wants comfort and to play, Alfredka. Just like mine."

He embraces it with time, letting go of his ego enough to indulge in his childish side, something everyone but him can apparently see. 

Psych wards do make you end up constipated lol. Idk if it is the food or the anxiety but yea.