TESSA

9 2 1
                                    

She walks back towards the building. Back towards the bus stop. She's taking in everything Braeden said.
She's different.
So different from Megan.
She makes Tessa feel listened too. She doesn't try to impose her words of wisdom on her, use blunt shock tactics on her to get a reaction.
Even when she confronted her about using. It seemed to come from a place of experience not judgement.
A place of understanding.
She likes that Braeden is younger.
Closer to her age then most therapists.
She can't believe Braeden shared with her about being raped.
She wouldn't tell a soul.
It wasn't her story to tell but somehow it made her feel good to know Braeden shared it with her.
That's why she'd given her the journal.
A share for a share.
It was the least she could do.
She hears her name being called and looks up to see both Claire and Hugh waiting for her by his car.
She smiles softly.
"We've got pizza" Claire announces as she reaches them.
"I can smell it"
Hugh looks at her.
"How'd it go?"
Tessa shrugged. "She seems cool. I guess we will see."
Claire jumps into the back seat allowing Tessa shotgun.
Hugh slides in beside her. Claire rants about her day at school. Her loads of homework and the injustice of it all.
They grin at each other as she goes on and on.
They arrive back at their place and head inside.
The kitchen table is cleared off and they all sit around it.
Eating and chatting.
The siblings teasing each other and laughing.
Tessa sits quietly and reserved. Her mind is drifting to another kitchen, another pizza night, others laughter and guilt hits hers. Square in the heart.
She can hear the house calling to her from across the city.
A long mournful sound.
"I think it's time I go home. " she blurts out and watches as both Claire and Hugh stop in mid bite.
"No." Claire announces "Hugh, back me up here"
Hugh looks Tessa in the eyes and he knows.
How does he do it.
Know what she's thinking without her saying a word.
"We can't force her to stay if she doesn't want to."
Tessa looks at him evenly.
Part thankful. Part annoyed.
All colours of confusion.
"I'd rather you stay here but like you said before you're not a child."
He can't believe he's even saying this.
Wtf.
He doesn't want her to go anywhere.
He'll sleep on the floor forever as long as she stays.
He can't tell her that though.
Claire looks devastated.
Tessa sees it.
"I'm not disappearing. I'm just going home."
"But we won't be there. What if you use?"
So that's it.
She doesn't trust her to stay sober.
She doesn't trust herself either.
"Hugh needs his bed back. You need your space. You both do."
"I'm fine" Hugh puts out.
She gives him a look.
He's not helping her out of this she realizes.
Tessa moves closer to Claire taking her hand.
"I'm going to be fine. We'll make a deal right now? I won't use and you won't drink as much. I trust that you'll hold up your part of the bargain. You need to trust me. We'll talk every day. I promise."
Claire just nods solemnly and pulls away. She pushes her chair back and stands.
"Yeah well it's your life. I should go. I haven't seen Travis in days" she walks away and pulls on her coat. "I'll text you later"
She's out the door before either of them can say a word.
"Shit" Tessa mumbles "I didn't mean to upset her"
Hugh looks at the closed door.
"It'll be ok. She just needs some time. Abandonment issues and all that."
"I'm not leaving her." She sighs "I just...need"
"Some time alone. I get it" he reassures her but he's not looking at her. He's playing with his crust.
"Do you?" She asks and he looks up "I've been on my own for so long. I don't know how to do anything else. I don't know how to do this thing" she tells him frustrated.
"What thing?"
"Answer to someone else." She spits out "explain my every thought and feeling. Where I'm going. When I'll be back."
"It's called having a family, Tessa."
He says it before he can stop himself.
"You asshole" she says and rises.
He gets up as well.
Reaches for her arm.
"That's not what I meant. I'm sorry. Ok. Please. I'm sorry. It's just...you have to understand this isn't easy for us either. It's always just been the two of us to worry about. Now there's you."
She looks daggers at him.
Pulls her arm away.
"I'm sorry to be such a burden"
She storms out of the house.
"Tessa goddamn it. Wait!"
She hears him yell after her.
She keeps walking.
Fuck him
Fuck them.
She doesn't need them.
Doesn't need anyone.
She feels the familiar itch in her system.
The itch to use.
Her phone rings.
It's him.
She turns off her phone and changes direction.

She arrives there without really realizing it.
She stands outside the building and as if on cue  Braeden steps out of it.
She sees her.
"Tessa?" She questions in surprise.
"Hey" Tessa says in response.
Braeden saunters over to her.
"Change your mind about the journal?"
Tessa shakes her head and tears flow unwillingly.
"Ok. Let's go upstairs." Braeden says immediately and wraps a comforting arm around her shoulder.
They're in the office.
Braeden has gone to grab her a tea from the staff room and she eyes the stack of records.
"Go ahead and choose one if you like" she says to her as she places Tessas tea down on the table and takes a seat in one of the chairs.
Tessa chooses and plays the record
Braeden smiles
"Ah Otis Redding. Good choice"
Tessa sits down.
Not sure what she's doing there.
"I don't know what I'm doing here."
Braeden just waits.
"I had a fight. I think...I don't know."
"With friends?"
"Yeah but they're more than that...more like..."
"Family?"
She lifts her green eyes to Braedens dark brown ones.
"I already had...have a family."
"And you feel like you're somehow being disloyal to their memory because you have others in your life now who matter as much?"
Damn she's good.
Tessa nods wiping the tears.
Drawing her knees close to her chest.
"I'm afraid." She hears herself say and she doesn't recognize this person she's slowly becoming.
"Of what?"
"Everything. Forgetting the ones I lost. Before it was just me. If something happened then it happened only to me. There was nothing to lose. Now suddenly I have these two people."
Braeden leans forward.
"Do you think there will ever come a time you forget about your parents? Do you love them
any less because you care about these others?"
"No."
"Do you think your parents would want you to be alone and without a support system?"
"Maybe that's my punishment."
"Punishment? for what?"
"Surviving. And not..." her voice drops away.
"And not what Tessa?"
"Not saving Chris." She looks down at the floor.
Braeden closes her eyes briefly and then opens them.
"I failed him. I let them lock him up and I left him there. In that place. And now what? Now I have these two people who make me remember  what life was like before and he's just there. Alone."
"Tessa look at me" her voice strong.
She does.
"It wasn't your job to save you brother from himself. You were 13 years old. And it's not your job to save him now. There's no right word to say or right thing to do that will save him, that would've stopped what happened that day, from happening. You're brother was and is ill. Honey, you can't take that away for him. I know you wish you could. But you can't. You can't fix him. And you most definitely didn't fail him."
Tessa cries softly
Braeden takes her hand in hers.
"It's time you forgave her."
Tessa looks up at her.
"Who?"
"The little 13 year old girl, who survived. None of that was her fault. Tessa, none of it is your fault."
She sobs and Braeden is there holding her as she does.

Later as she walks home she turns on her phone to see multiple messages and calls from
Hugh.
He's apologetic.
He's worried.
Please just tell me you're ok.
She's close to her house now but she slows to text him back.

Tessa
~I'm sorry-

Hugh
-where are you?-

Tessa
~No, listen to me. I'm sorry Hugh. I shouldn't have left like that. I don't know why I'm like this-

Hugh
- It's ok. just tell me where you are? Please-

She's about to answer when she looks up from her phone and sees him.
He's here.
He's sitting on the top step of her front door.
His head is down as he's looking at his phone.
Nervously waiting for her reply.
His foot is tapping restlessly against the pavement.
He must sense eyes on him and he looks up.
Sees her.
Relief sweeps across his face.
He's up and off the steps swiftly.
Coming towards her.
She moves then.
Walks quickly towards him.
He sees the look on her face.
He can tell she's been crying.
She goes immediately into his arms.
Burying her face into the side of his neck.
Holding him tightly to her.
His arms wrap around her, pulling her closer
Her hands grasp the back of his coat like a lifeline and she doesn't let go.
Not for a long time.
They stand there in the front yard.
Holding on to each other.

Nemesis: A Love StoryWhere stories live. Discover now