Nemesis: A Love Story

CLAIRE

For all intents and purposes she has had a great night. Well it started out great. Ended kind of weirdly.
She had made a new friend. Maybe her first one. Yeah, this Tessa, didn't talk much but she listened and Claire had felt heard for the first time in years. Then she had just disappeared. Claire wasn't surprised. That seemed to be her lot in life. A flicker of a normal life and then gone.
It had felt good to talk about her relationship, or lack there of, with Hugh.
To be able to voice her feelings of never feeling good enough, always wrong or a disappointment.
How controlling he could be.
She knew it was his way of protecting her from life's harshness but what he didn't realize is she had still been subjected to the same life. Even if she hadn't been abused herself. The guilt she felt of being the one her father "loved" and never raised a hand to was a bitter pill to swallow.
Sometimes she'd catch Hugh staring at her with a look of, what she considered, distain and all she wanted to say was I'm sorry.
I'M SORRY HE DIDN'T HIT ME TOO!!!
I'M SORRY I WAS TOO LITTLE TO HELP YOU!!!
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY!
They never spoke about it. That night when their father was killed. She wasn't sure what really happened. Whether it had really been self defence or a fight gone too far between he and their father.
She supposed she'll never know for sure. After that, the funeral came and went in a daze of numbness. Her mother hadn't been there. And she didn't know how to grieve for someone, who was better off dead, for those she loved most.
Everything had changed that night and nothing ever went back the same.
It was better in many ways.
There was no more fists.
No more cuts or fading bruises to watch disappear on both her mother and brothers faces and arms.
No more waking up to hear screams echoing throughout the house.
The nightmares still came.
For both of them.
Some nights she'd hear Hugh fitful and speaking in his sleep. Hear him shout. Wake himself up.
He had no doubt heard her as well.
At first, right after their mother was put in prison, he'd come to her when she woke screaming.
After time went on that stopped.
Both growing distant as they got older and the stress of having to raise themselves took hold.
He'd gotten involved with drug dealing to pay the bills. And god knows what else. Started to get into fights. Get a reputation for being a badass you don't fuck with.
The big brother she knew, who rocked her to sleep and sang lullabies slowly turned into a stranger before her eyes.
She couldn't reach him anymore
The loneliness inside her grew.
The anger and the hate of life.
So she lashed out with partying, drinking, having a new boyfriend regularly. Anything to numb those feelings of guilt.
Of regret.
Of missing her mom.
She walks down the dark street now. The puddles reflecting the hue of the few street lights.  The music in her ears, loud and strangely comforting.
Ahead was their house.
The same house as her childhood.
She hates that fucking house.
Hates having to come home to it every day or night.
Hates everything about it.
She can feel it sucking out of her...any bit of joy she has felt that day.
She feels paralyzed honestly.
She no longer feels the things she knows she should.
She's only 18.
It shouldn't be like this.
Not for either of them.
She takes a deep breath and wishes she was still drunk. Sadly not.
The house is cloaked in darkness when she steps inside. A weight lands heavily on her shoulders once more. Hugh must not be home. She heads into the kitchen and steals one of his precious beers.
Fuck it.
Fuck him.
What's one more fight of words anyway.
Add it to her list of misdemeanours he holds against her.
She makes her way slowly upstairs the beer hanging loosely in her fingers.
She's almost at the top when she hears a noise.
Her blue eyes shift to her brothers door. It's open a bit.
He never leaves his door open.
She feels her heart quicken.
A part of her says ignore it, go to bed.
He's only going to rip your head off anyway.
That part has a point.
But she's always been a sucker for punishment.
She doesn't bother hiding the beer. What's the point?
She stands in front of his door and looks heavenward, pushes it open slowly. Not knowing what she's about to see.
Hoping it isn't him fucking some chick.
That's happened.
The door swings open to show her brother sitting against the opposite wall. His head leaning back against it.
There's tears streaming down his face.
She steps inside prepared for his wrath.
"Hugh?"
He looks at her then.
He shakes his head and starts to cry.
Not just cry...sob.
She's taken aback and doesn't know what to do.
Her feet make the decision for her and step forward.
He reaches out for her then.
She rushes to his side as he crumbles into her arms. His shoulders shaking uncontrollably.
"What happened?" She asked into his hair. She's shaken to her core.
She doesn't know what to do.
"Hugh what happened. Talk to me" she pleads.
She feels him shake his head in response.
She crying herself now. Quietly.
I don't know what to do, she says to herself. Tell me what to do.
So she does what he had always done for her. Hugs him tight.
Rocks him slowly.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.

She's not sure how long they were like that before he's  calmed down enough for her to get him into his bed.
He isn't speaking but it's not from anger.
It's from emotional exhaustion.
He lays down at her suggestion and she covers him with his blankets.
Up to his chin.
Like she likes.
She moves to leave and stops cold when she feels his hand grab hers.
She lifts hesitant blue eyes to his matching ones.
He says nothing but she feels him squeezing hers.
A silent thank you.
She squeezes back and takes the opportunity to do something she hasn't been able to for years. She leans down and quickly kisses his forehead.
He looks at her calmly.
Drained.
The light of his phone going off fills the room
It's on silent but it had been going on and off like a strobe light while they'd been on the floor.
His eyes look vacant and tired.
"Turn over and go to sleep. It can wait. "
She says this in a no nonsense voice.
She sounds like her mother.
He nods and does as he's told.
She tucks him in again and slowly backs out of the room, taking his phone with her.  Closes the door tightly.
It goes off again.
Its starting to piss her off.
Seriously if someone doesn't pick up the first few times get the hint.
The name Megan appears on the screen.
She only knows of one.
She presses the accept button.
"Hugh??? I've been calling and calling"
"Yes he's aware" Claire answers not bothering to hide her annoyance.
"Who is this???" The voice asks demanding.
Claire smirks.
Here we go bitch.
"That's none of your business. Listen Hugh is asleep now. I'm not waking him, and since when do therapists do phone calls at 3am?"
She waits for the reply.
She can hear this Megan fumbling over her words.
"Yeah that's what I thought. Have a good night." She hangs up on her and turns off his phone.
She quietly goes back into his room and places the phone back where he'll easily find it in the morning.
He's still turned the opposite way.
She tiptoes out. Almost at the door.
"Claire?"
She stops. Here it comes. The wrath.
"Yeah?"
"Can you stay?"
She's shocked by this but manages to answer.
"Y...yeah of course."
He shuffles over without looking at her and pulls back the blanket for her.
She gets into what was her moms side of the bed.
They lay back to back but together.
She stays awake until she hears his even breathing and knows he's asleep.
Sleep slowly claims her as well.