Nemesis: A Love Story

TESSA

It's 3 days since her lapse in the shower. Now she sits in a stiff plastic chair, staring out the window to the surrounding buildings of this constant grey city.
A large steel desk separates herself from her new therapist, Megan.
Her first one on one session.
She picks at her nails.
Green eyes downcast now.
Lost in the vagueness of her thoughts.
The pill shed managed to score on her way here gave her just enough juice to make this bearable.
She hears Megan's voice trying to reach her and finally looks directly at her
Did you hear me?
She nods slowly.
"So you agree that you haven't shared anything with the group?"
Tessa remains silent. She prefers to only speak when needed and she's learned a simple nod or shake of her head can do exactly what words can.
Megan leans forward on her desk. Her elbows covering the many papers in Tessas large, thick file.
I know it can't be easy, starting over in a new group. And I know this isn't the easiest bunch to be vulnerable around but they are harmless really"
Tessa gives her an incredulous look then. Who did this chick think she was kidding?
Harmless?
Lucifer?
Had she even spent anytime with him? There was nothing harmless about him. He was everything dangerous. He fooled people with his beautiful face, the smile that lit up a room, lulled them into a false sense of security and then just as quickly snap your neck.
No.
No she'd never open up around him or any of the others for that matter. No one could be trusted.
No one.
Especially the ones that had the most beautiful faces that hid a the most conniving monster underneath.
Of course she doesn't share any of this with her therapist, this Megan, with her deep blood red lipstick and overly concerned eyes.
"Yeah harmless" Her eyes drift back to the window. Her hands are fisted again but it doesn't give much relief. She misses her long nails, misses the feel of them piercing her skin as she fisted her hands tightly. Misses the feel of the blooding seeping up and out onto her fingertips.
Sticky and warm across her numb skin. Making her feel relief. Sweet relief.
She'd done it so many times over the years that now her hands had very clear, crescent moon shaped scars on both her palms.
She'd promised Dr. Mason that she wouldn't do that again. So to pacify him she'd started to bite them off as soon as they started to grow long.
She owed him that much as least for the hell she'd put him through for years.
"Listen, Tessa, I know this is all an adjustment. Coming back here. Trying to start over, a new group but the rules still apply. I've got to be able to give some kind of progress report to the judge."
Tessa remained silent for a moment longer.
"I'll try to do better."
If she had a nickel for every time she spoke these words.
"Thank you. I know this can be difficult to trust others so I thought this might help" Megan opens a drawer of her desk pulling out a blue moleskin notebook and a pack of pens. Sliding them across toward her.
"I thought since you aren't the biggest talker yet that maybe you could write? Nothing huge maybe start small. Just some random thoughts you've have during the day. Before group on Wednesday you can hand it to me. Might be an easier way to begin?"
Tessa runs one hand over the smooth cool
cover on the notebook as she pulls it into her lap, along with the pens.
"Can I go now?"
Megan sighs quietly. Clearly conflicted. Her dark eyes look at the clock and a pink tinge flushes her cheeks.
Tessa arches an eyebrow.
"Can I go?" She repeats.
Megan shakes her head from whatever thought she is having, a smile on her face.
"Yes. Yes. See you Wednesday."
Tessa lets herself out.