All Was Golden When

Chapter 2: Intoxication, Paranoia, And A Lot of Shame

"Well um... Mike" I started, searching the room for any kind of distraction to excuse me from this situation.

"It's a stupid thing teenagers do! It's so lame and dumb and bad and I just couldn't bear to explain such a boring concept to you," Brendon interrupted. He dragged on every word to add a level of dramatic flair and general discontent with the subject at hand. I looked to Mike whose eyes were fixed on Brendon the entire time like a dog on its bottom waiting for a treat. Maybe I had underestimated my boyfriend.

"So... Vic's a masturbator? And I shouldn't be a masturbator?" Mike asked innocently. The situation was both awkward as hell and incredibly entertaining. I had to leave the room to clear my head.

"I'm going to make dad-I mean Uncle Brendon and I some tea," I suggested. "Would you like some orange juice?"

"Yes please, Uncle Ryan!" He jumped excitedly. I paced to the kitchen quickly and as soon as the kitchen door closed behind me, I burst into a wheeze. Ugh, if not even minutes into this 2-day vacation, I almost had to explain self-pleasure to a twelve-year-old, then these next two days were going to be incredibly long. I did not know if Brendon could take it. I did not know if I could take it. How much strain could I take before cracking under the pressure? I decided it was best to face my fears and just learn from experience, so I made my way back into the room and put on a straight face.

"And that is why you shouldn't masturbate," I overheard my boyfriend say as if he had just finished an elaborate tale.

"Okay! I can't wait to not masturbate and be SO much cooler than Vic!" Mike proclaimed excitedly.

"Brendon..." I yelled in a hushed tone. "Come here for a minute please!" He patted Mike on the head and giggled before making his way over.

"What did you tell him???" I inquired nervously.

"Just that it was uncool and that...while...when young people do it, they can go blind..." Brendon admitted.

"BRENDON!" I shouted.

"What? It worked didn't it?" He declared. I could not help but to palm my head and sigh. Just as I was about to scold my boyfriend, a thunderous roar rumbled the house from the garage.

"Um, what the hell is that?" I inquired.

"Is Vic okay? We should go check on Vic!" Brendon suggested. He sprinted up the stairs as fast as he could, calling out the older child's name repeatedly.

"He's not up here!" Brendon shouted down the stairway. I ran into the garage to see that the door was wide open, and a figure was sitting on a motorcycle in the driveway. It was Vic!

"Vic?? What are you doing??" I inquired furiously.

"Getting away from all you losers," he announced, before shoving his long hair into a motorcycle helmet. I chased him down the driveway, but it was no use, he had already taken off down the street at over 60mph. I huffed and threw my hands at my sides angrily as Brendon arrived in the garage from the door that led into the kitchen of the house.

"We have to go after him," Brendon suggested in a fatherly tone.

"Yeah? How so? We've got to take care of Mike!" I fired back.

"We'll take Mike with us!" He suggested.

"I don't think it's a good idea to take a 12-year-old on an action movie-like car chase," I suggested.

"Hmm..."

"Yeah, if only there was a way to be in two places at once," I remarked.

"Cloning!" Brendon proclaimed excitedly. I groaned.