rapper imaginess

Kill me - XXXTentacion

Dude this is really sad. I'm in my me feels so please don't come at me.

WARNING: talk of suicide. Suicide and mental illness. Death etc.

Jahseh

"I can't fucking do this. I can't keep pretending. Keep going in this cycle of fucking elated and on top of the world to being fucking so sick of myself and depressed! I can't cope. And I don't know why I'm telling you. I know you're happy with her and I didn't want to worry you, or start something. But it's killing me. We were so toxic for each other but I needed you. I needed someone.. to just be there for me." She takes a deep breath and pauses. "I'm not a good person. I lied to you about so many things that didn't happen. I just wanted your attention. I craved it. I'm an easily jealous person and things got out of hand. And then I became friends with Jenesis and god bless her. She really is perfect for you and I don't want to hurt her any more than I already have. She has a baby on the way and you are going to be a family. I'm just selfish, I thought I could have you all to myself because I fell in love with you. I stopped sometimes but when I did again, it was worse and worse. You were the only one who truly got me, we were basically one. I was willing to do anything for you because that's what toxic love does to you, right? I was too much for you, I loved you too hard. You never loved me though, not like that. Or should I say not for long? And you were fucking clueless how bad it was. But it's not your fault. It's mine." I could hear her choking on her tears. "I hate that I miss you. After all the shit and pain we've caused each other. I hate that you made me laugh. You made me smile. You lingered in my mind. I'm trying to replace you anything I can find and grab a hold on. I don't have anyone anymore. Everyone is sick of my complaints, my tears, my scars. I just- I just. I'm sorry X. But my time is up."

When I realise the voicemail has finished I drop all my shit in the home studio and rush to Y/N's house ignoring my-once-relaxed girlfriend's yells of confusion and jump in my car. I pound the door and wait a few seconds before breaking it down. I look everywhere for her but no sign. I feel the tears well up in my eyes. We were so bad for each other. Everyone knew it. But she was hurting, so bad and I didn't notice. She wasn't the no-motive-crazy-ass-ex-girlfriend. She was trying to move on. She was trying to get better. She was trying to forget.

But she couldn't.

Where the fuck are you?

I run back to my car and race to Makeout Hill. And I freeze once I see her. She was gone. With stabs, carved out words and slits all over her body. The pool of blood was growing and her I could see her wet tears. I didn't take a step closer. She used to be the love of my life. She's dead and it's my fault. I feel my head pounding. I was secretly wishing this was the worst prank she had ever pulled on me and she was okay. But nothing.

5 minutes.

10 minutes.

2 hours

I look at my phone with a blurry vision from my tears. "Jahseh Riccardo Dwayne Onfroy! Where the hell are you? I've been worried sick!" I hear Jenesis say and I just break down even more. "Baby?" I hear her voice soften. "I- I'm sorry Jen, I- I'll be t-there in 30," I say hanging up. I report the scene to the police and drive home after they ask some questions. I walk inside my house and I find mama, Jen and Stoke standing around waiting for my arrival. Their faces change immediately when they feel my aura. "What's wrong, baby?" Mama asks me, pulling me in for a hug. "S-she's..." I start. I don't want to say it. I don't' want to speak it into existence. "Who's what?" Stoke asked trying not to trigger me. "Y-Y/n." I pull away from her hug and look down. "Y-Y/n k-killed h-herself," I manage to choke out. They all came into hug me. And we stood there silent. 

A//N If you wanna talk to me abt anything. Anything at all. I'm here. We all need that someone